Open for business

This post serves as the re-opening of this blog in a new season! This page has been silent long enough; there are things to be said, and I'm a-gonna say 'em!

It's been an entire semester now that I have been an instructor at Cuesta. Last semester was difficult, to say the least. I took on four courses, a part-time job as the asst. manager at the portrait studio, and was living alone in Atascadero. I don't know how, but I survived. Correction: I know how I survived, and it was only by the grace of God.

Things are different now: I live in SLO again with five amazing roommates, I am teaching only three courses this semester, I now have a home church that is challenging me to go deeper and farther in my faith, and I have resolved that this is the year that I will learn how to thrive. So much of my life has been spent just "getting by." This is a lesson I learned from my mother. Growing up, we were always just scraping by, just on the verge of a family meltdown, just barely involved at church, but not quite. We knew how to survive, and nothing more.

In these past two years, I have become painfully unaware that I don't know how to thrive, to live with real freedom and abandon, with confidence that my Father in heaven has it covered. From my finances, to my home life, to my relationships, I never really felt I deserved more than just "getting by." But God is faithful, and He has been tugging at my heart, tempting me with little snippets of what life could be like, gently whispering in my ear "There's more! Come and see!" And I desperately, desperately want to see just what living in the "more" would be like.

One of the things that's always driven me to worship God is His creation. So a couple of weeks ago, I got a book of SLO County day hikes and resolved to complete at least one hike every week. The first week my roommate, Erica, and I, hiked around Dairy Creek Golf Course. It was beautiful. You can see some of the images from that hike here.

This last week, I got an even better opportunity to hike alone, with my thoughts and the Lord. I chose to take on Lemon Grove Loop, which goes around the south-ish face of Madonna Mountain (aka Cerro San Luis ). The beginning of the hike was rough. I wanted to get back in my car and pick up a frozen yogurt instead. But I had my worship music going on my ipod, and something in my heart refused to quit, despite the pain in my feet. I heard that voice again, telling me "This will be worth it, but you have to endure a little to get there. Just a little farther. This will be worth it." So I pushed on.



As I continued, the hike seemed to get easier. Not because the incline was less, or that there were less rocks along the way, but because something clicked inside of me, and I realized that I COULD do it, I COULD conquer the mountain, so to speak. Suddenly before me was a majestic eucalyptus grove, and on the other side of the grove, a panoramic view of San Luis Obispo. I could see my city as God sees it, nestled among the hills.

Standing on the side of that hill, I suddenly felt so SMALL. I found myself remembering all of the times I've passed the hike from the freeway, looking to see if there were any hikers on the trail. I've never seen one. And during those times, all that was in my view was the mountain. God, though, He sees EVERYTHING. In his view is more than SLO, more than California, more than even the world. He sees everything. And despite this fact, he doesn't miss a single hiker on the side of Madonna. Despite the magnificence that could occupy His view, He chooses to see ME.



I am in awe of our Creator. Even more breathtaking than the world he has chosen to create is His vast, vast love for us. For me. And so, this year, I have decided to thrive. To live in the love of my father God. These are the chronicles of that journey, as my hopeful heart traverses a sometimes stony, sometimes steep path, in search of the abundant life Jesus has promised to those who love Him.

Politics and faith

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but there are some things that have to get out or they will drive you crazy. Right now is one of those times. I'm currently teaching four classes at Cuesta Community College and working as the assistant manager of Sears Portrait Studio. To top it all off, I'm frantically working to get my thesis done. I have to defend it before the second week of November.

I've moved back to my hometown, and I feel as though I can't go anywhere without seeing a "Yes on 8" sign. This is a very tough issue, because I think that the constitution affords people the right to have freedom of religion, even if that means no religion, and even if that means following a slightly different set of moral guidelines than I would myself. Based on that premise, I have a very difficult time supporting legislation that would effectively mandate that someone abide my my definition of marriage, even though they don't have the same religious beliefs as me. I'm praying and studying on this issue, and as of now I don't feel right voting yes on 8. And honestly, I don't think I ever will.

Right now is definitely a trying time for me. I don't see things eye to eye with a lot of my "small town" Christian friends, and I've been downright offended by some of the politically charged sermons I've heard down here. It's amazing that whenever people talk about Christianity and politics, it's always about the law and never about Jesus.

It's interesting, but when I lived in Sacramento, I never felt judged by other Christians for my differing political beliefs. San Luis Obispo county, though, is a hotbed for the "us vs. them" mentality. Oftentimes, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut or be lumped in with the "them." It's frustrating, to say the least.

Last night I went to a college group at a church called Agape in San Luis Obispo, and it was really good. It felt great just to fellowship with other believers without having political discussions color everything we said. It was the first safe space I've encountered since moving back down here, and I even ran into one of my students! She squealed and gave me a hug...it was kind of awkward, though, b/c I'm not sure I should be hugging my students...

This summer...

...I will not be having fun. At all. Ok, maybe that's a little bit dramatic. I will have fun, but it will be tempered with hard work. This will not at all be the "last crazy summer before work starts" that I imagined. And it's all my fault.

You seen, I brilliantly decided to have a more relaxed last semester and write my thesis over the summer. Consequently, I have to write my thesis...all summer long. And in order to keep the teaching jobs I so amazingly managed to acquire, I have to finish my thesis before the fall term starts. :(

So this summer, I will not be having all the fun I had intended on having. I will be writing. And writing. And writing. The pressure is on, I HAVE to finish. Please, God, help me finish!

What I wish I were doing:


What I will be doing:

I've graduated! (kind of)

Yesterday was the commencement ceremony for CSU Sacramento, and I got to walk! The whole experience was amazing and overwhelming, all at once. I participated in commencement with my friends, Michael, Lisa, and Nicole. Out of the four of us, only one was really done...Nicole. The rest of us have finished our coursework but will be working on our theses over the summer.
That means that although I've "graduated" and gotten some job offers, I still have a summer full of work ahead.

Commencement was at Arco Arena, home of the Sacramento Kings. My dad and sister came, and being that they are hard-core Laker fans, I think their skin was crawling a little. However, there were some serious perks to having graduation at the arena, the biggest being that we were inside an air-conditioned building (score!). There was also plenty of seating, and they had cameras all over the place, putting people on the "jumbo-tron" screens hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the arena.

All of the master's students got to go first, and since Communication Studies is alphabetically the second major at Sac State, we were among the very first people to walk. I think I was the fifth person to go overall. I definitely sat in the front row :) The procession went like this:
1. Walk up to a professor and take a picture being "hooded"
2. Take a picture in front of the CA & US flags
3. Take a picture in front of the Sac State Seal
4. Take a picture getting your "diploma" and shaking the hand of some Sac State bigwig
5. Go sit down

Funny thing: in the past, the Master's students have hooded each other, rather than being hooded by an actual faculty member. So my advisor and I came up with a plan that if the students were hooding each other again, we would simply walk out to the front corner and he would hood me himself. Luckily, that didn't have to happen. I get really nervous about breaking rules.

Since we went first, my friends and I had the pleasure of zoning out for the rest of the commencement, which lasted about two hours total. Afterward, we went outside and took pictures with each other, family, and faculty members. It was an amazingly fun experience. So fun, in fact, that I'm going to do it all over again in the fall. Also because, for some reason, the commencement program didn't have my name in it. I really need a program that lists me as getting a Master's degree!!!!


Me and Michele, one of my committee members. She is going to be awesome enough to read through the drafts of my thesis this summer so that I can finish up and keep my jobs :)

A new chapter

Last night I had my last class as a student. Ever. I had worked so hard to finish everything up that I didn't realize what was happening until it was almost over. Yesterday I received a call from the human resources department at Cuesta College and was told that they have approved equivalency for me so that I can finish my thesis over the summer and start teaching courses in the fall. And in just over a week, I will go through the commencement ceremony for my master's degree.

It's just started to hit me that a chapter of my life is closing. And although there have been parts of this time that I've desperately wanted to end, I'm starting to feel a bit melancholy about leaving this place, these people, for good. Don't get me wrong, I still am not a fan of living in Sacramento, and there are definitely people here that I will be glad to escape. Despite that, though, I can see good things as I look back.

By moving here I really became and independent person, free from the strictures and emotional trappings of my family. I know that because I left for a time, I'm now much healthier emotionally and will be able to deal with them in a much more productive way.


(I went to fun conferences)

By moving here I also got the chance to meet some wonderful people: my church family, the office staff at school, my committee, and even some fellow students. I will miss them. I will also definitely miss my times hanging out with my old roommates, Amy and Laura. Amy and I have had lots of good times exploring along the river and playing with the ponies. I'm going to miss that.


(I went to the Rivercats Game and all kinds of fun places with Janna)

By moving here I was able to become part of an amazing volunteer opportunity, Saddle Pals. This organization provides therapeutic horseback riding for people with special needs. In volunteering there I've gotten the opportunity to rediscover my love of horses and see how they can be used to help others. What an amazing organization!

So all in all, there are some things about Sacramento that I'm going to miss. I wish I would have done things differently: volunteered sooner, explored the river more, taken more time to be outside and appreciate the beauty of the foothills. But I guess that's one of the things that happens when you get busy and wrapped up in yourself: you forget to recognize the beauty around you.


(I got to work in a building that looks like a spaceship)

Everything right now is reminding me of a song by Trace Adkins:
"You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back,
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times, so take a good look around,
You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."


(I got to experience the beauty of Sacramento in the fall)

So, Sacramento, I'm going to miss you despite myself. But here is my pledge:
I am going to enter this new chapter of my life determined to appreciate what I have no matter what the circumstances or how busy I get, because I know that one day I will be able to look back and see just how wonderful it was.

Yes, I'm going to miss this, but I'm excited about the future, too!

I couldn't help myself...

This is TOTALLY what I've been going through lately. In fact, last night I was up working on a paper until 4a.m. Tonight may be the night of the all-nighter and subsequent crash. I can't wait until summer so that I have the chance to "re-set." Teehee.

Katie and me

This past weekend, I had a job interview at Cuesta. The outcome was that they want to give me a job teaching (hooray!) as long as I finish my thesis over the summer. After the stress and craziness of the interview, I reallyreally needed to relax. Nothing relaxes me like busting out my camera, so we decided to do a little re-shoot for Katie's senior pictures. Rene also took charge and got a few shots of me for my graduation announcements.
Take a peek :)