Saturday, July 11, 2009

I feel as though each time I revisit this page, it's with a word of apology because I have spent so long away from it. But I can't apologize this time, because there is SO MUCH I have been accomplishing lately that I can't even begin to feel bad about not blogging. I think perhaps I'm beginning to feel really, truly comfortable in my own skin, which helps me feel as though my contributions to the blogosphere, few and far between though they may be, are enough.

Right now I'm sitting in Mojo Coffee in Goleta, taking a short break from my thesis. Working on my thesis this past week and a half, while living with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, has given me some real insight into what it takes to accomplish a big goal. At first it felt insurmountable. But now, as I've been working on my thesis, chipping away at it bit by bit, it feels completely under control. And I've come to realize the deep truth of that timeless question and its accompanying answer: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Truly, each time I have made the choice to sit down and work, I've felt like I'm taking a bite of my elephantine thesis. And each time I walk away, I feel as though I can see it getting smaller, more manageable, and I can see the end in sight. It strikes me how this is so true of every goal we try to accomplish in life: the only way to manage a dream or goal the size of an elephant is to take one bite, one step, at a time.

I think this is true of relationships, too, and especially my relationship with God. I can't expect to "feel" like I know God all at once. It comes from little choices along the way, little steps taken in an attempt to get closer to Him. Each small step taken is one step closer than we were before, and nothing can take that progress away. The beautiful thing about God is that He honors each step we have taken toward Him. We never have to try to "get back to where we were before." We just have to make the choice to continue our journey toward Him, take a few more steps, and we suddenly realize that we already are right where we were before.

So just like the work I've done on my thesis, I'm going to keep on picking up where I left off before, trusting that Jesus will honor me as I keep tottering toward Him like a baby learning how to walk. And eventually, as I keep on keeping on, those steps will get stronger until I find that I'm walking with God, not toward Him, with the sure steps of a seasoned traveler. And the God that I wanted so badly to know? I'll find that He is no longer an abstraction, but closest friend, walking step by step with me down life's winding road.