It's been an entire semester now that I have been an instructor at Cuesta. Last semester was difficult, to say the least. I took on four courses, a part-time job as the asst. manager at the portrait studio, and was living alone in Atascadero. I don't know how, but I survived. Correction: I know how I survived, and it was only by the grace of God.
Things are different now: I live in SLO again with five amazing roommates, I am teaching only three courses this semester, I now have a home church that is challenging me to go deeper and farther in my faith, and I have resolved that this is the year that I will learn how to thrive. So much of my life has been spent just "getting by." This is a lesson I learned from my mother. Growing up, we were always just scraping by, just on the verge of a family meltdown, just barely involved at church, but not quite. We knew how to survive, and nothing more.
In these past two years, I have become painfully unaware that I don't know how to thrive, to live with real freedom and abandon, with confidence that my Father in heaven has it covered. From my finances, to my home life, to my relationships, I never really felt I deserved more than just "getting by." But God is faithful, and He has been tugging at my heart, tempting me with little snippets of what life could be like, gently whispering in my ear "There's more! Come and see!" And I desperately, desperately want to see just what living in the "more" would be like.
One of the things that's always driven me to worship God is His creation. So a couple of weeks ago, I got a book of SLO County day hikes and resolved to complete at least one hike every week. The first week my roommate, Erica, and I, hiked around Dairy Creek Golf Course. It was beautiful. You can see some of the images from that hike here.
This last week, I got an even better opportunity to hike alone, with my thoughts and the Lord. I chose to take on Lemon Grove Loop, which goes around the south-ish face of Madonna Mountain (aka Cerro San Luis ). The beginning of the hike was rough. I wanted to get back in my car and pick up a frozen yogurt instead. But I had my worship music going on my ipod, and something in my heart refused to quit, despite the pain in my feet. I heard that voice again, telling me "This will be worth it, but you have to endure a little to get there. Just a little farther. This will be worth it." So I pushed on.
As I continued, the hike seemed to get easier. Not because the incline was less, or that there were less rocks along the way, but because something clicked inside of me, and I realized that I COULD do it, I COULD conquer the mountain, so to speak. Suddenly before me was a majestic eucalyptus grove, and on the other side of the grove, a panoramic view of San Luis Obispo. I could see my city as God sees it, nestled among the hills.
Standing on the side of that hill, I suddenly felt so SMALL. I found myself remembering all of the times I've passed the hike from the freeway, looking to see if there were any hikers on the trail. I've never seen one. And during those times, all that was in my view was the mountain. God, though, He sees EVERYTHING. In his view is more than SLO, more than California, more than even the world. He sees everything. And despite this fact, he doesn't miss a single hiker on the side of Madonna. Despite the magnificence that could occupy His view, He chooses to see ME.
I am in awe of our Creator. Even more breathtaking than the world he has chosen to create is His vast, vast love for us. For me. And so, this year, I have decided to thrive. To live in the love of my father God. These are the chronicles of that journey, as my hopeful heart traverses a sometimes stony, sometimes steep path, in search of the abundant life Jesus has promised to those who love Him.
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