Monday, May 24, 2010

To Carson

Sweet nephew,

I cannot believe how quickly you are growing up! It seems like just yesterday we were waiting for you to be born; suddenly you're a precocious toddler, infatuated with exploring the world around you.

Sweet boy, know that you are loved. You have a group of people surrounding you who love you, will fight for you, and will tell you how special and amazing you are every day. No matter what happens, you can count on them, and on your Creator to see you through.

Don't ever lose your love of adventure: they are part of who God designed you to be! And through the tough times in life, your adventurous, fun-loving spirit will pull you through and help you to see the bright side of things.

And always, always remember that you have an Auntie who loves you dearly. She will be there for you no matter what! Keep growing, keep loving, and keep learning, my sweet nephew. You are a wonderful, amazing little boy and I love you so, so much!


With all the love, hugs and kisses in the world,
Auntie Andrea

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I left my heart in...

Three short days remain until I board a plane to California, where I will have twelve blissful days of family and friends, visiting my old haunts, hiking my heart out, and witnessing the marriage of one of my most favorite people. It's strange to think that it's been five whole months since I packed up (most of) my belongings into my Ford Focus and trekked across the country to make my home in Jones County, Mississippi.

This transition has been the most difficult thing I have ever undertaken. Nothing here is predictable, not even the weather (in the last ten minutes, we have had sun, humidity, thundershowers, and now calm overcast skies). I find myself constantly sticking my foot in my mouth, guilty of some cultural faux pas that my California upbringing definitely did not prepare me for. I find myself missing the most random things: Trader Joe's, hummus, the Pacific Ocean, the familiarity of making waffles with Katie, Rene' and Brittney on a Sunday morning, and lending a hand with a stubborn horse pen that desperately needs cleaning.
Through it all, though, I've survived. I've found some work and I'm doing my best to re-orient myself, so that I think of Mississippi, not California, as my home. One thing that has made the transition bearable has been the people. Wonderful people, who have invaded my life and my heart in ways that I could not have predicted. And since I can't take them with me to California, I'm sending them before me through the blogosphere, in hopes that my California family can begin to know and appreciate the people that have begun to fill the holes that California left in my heart.


This is Brooke. We work together at Lee's Coffee & Tea, and she has been such a source of encouragement in my life. Brooke is the kind of person you want on your side: cheerful and constant. She is getting ready to embark on her own adventure, marriage and a move to Pennsylvania, where she'll help start up a church.

Meet Gabby. What can I say about this girl? She reminds me at times of my cousin in Tennessee because of her bubbly personality. Gabby is an amazing person: fiercely loyal, full of life, and so artistic! When she's not working at Lee's with Brooke and I, she's probably making headbands for her business, Anchor and Sparrow, or hanging out with Patrick.

Patrick is a creative kind of guy. Besides being the boyfriend of Gabby, he also works for Roberts Creative, designing web content, branding, and other such things. According to an article I read in the ReView today, Patrick is going to be opening a store, called Chuck & Sally downtown! One of the things I appreciate about Patrick is his willingness to question things. I think he's a bit cerebral, like someone else I know.... He also owes me a homemade cheeseburger.

And where would I be without Amanda? We have enjoyed some amazingly fun times together: Farmer's Market, Bop's, Beauty and the Beast at the Saenger, movies, mall trips, and the list goes on. She's a nursing student at local community college, but she also has a B.S. in Biology. Wicked smart. I love that about her :) Plus, she likes to go on random adventures with me, which makes me sooooo happy!

Then there's Jackie. Jackie is a person of super-amazing persuasive and administrative talents. I am constantly in awe of her ability to get things done quickly and effectively. We've been working together on Farmer's Market, and she is always full of great ideas, and she always has the contacts and resources line up to make things happen. Jackie is a HUGE part of revitalizing downtown Laurel.


And finally (at least, for now) there's Bill. Need a cool home design? Bill's your guy. He's also super encouraging, and nearly always has a kind word. Bill is also musical, and he plays keys in a band. I haven't seen him play yet, but I'm determined to someday! Bill is also a big part of the revitalization plan for downtown Laurel. He, Jackie, Eric Roberts and I have been working to get the space all ready for our first market on June 4th.

That's all I have time for now! I promise, I'll introduce you all to some more of my Mississippi peeps as soon as I get a chance! California, here I come!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Aftermath

There are some things in life that I will never understand. Coffee, for example. I hated it so much when I was young, but now I can't get enough of it! It's my stimulant of choice, both because of its tantalizing aroma and the way it makes the world a happier place for about two hours. I tend to think that coffee is one of God's better ideas, right up there with scenic views and sunsets. But I digress. The thing I've been thinking of that I really don't understand is the nature of trials, and more specifically, how one rough patch seems to serve as a warning that there are more difficult things looming ahead.

These last few weeks have been rough for me. First, there was the slander issue I dealt with. That rocked me to my core. I have never had my character so brutally bashed, and seemingly for no reason at all. I felt as though I dealt with that situation well, only to discover that it was more complicated than I had thought. And following closely on the heels of this trial were more frustrations!

If you have spent time with me at all, you know that my nose drives me completely bonkers. Not because of the way it looks, but because I have a condition that causes persistent blockages in my sinuses. The condition can be corrected through surgery, but it's quite expensive and requires that I stay on bed rest for a week following the procedure.

I had paid for health insurance so that I could get surgery on my sinuses, but when my doctor tried to schedule the surgery, my insurance told him that I had NO surgical benefits. I was crushed, especially since the customer service agent had told me specifically that I would have surgical, hospital, and medical benefits when I signed up for the plan. And since it's springtime, my allergies have been particularly difficult. This makes it hard for me to breathe, hard for me to sleep, and hard for me to function in general.

As if this weren't enough, I began to feel like I was being attacked...like people were talking about me, like the things I'm doing for the church aren't effective or useful, like no one really cares. In short, the physical things that had happened were threatening my perception of my spiritual identity. A recipe for disaster for sure.

At this juncture, it becomes useful to see what God's word has to say about the my situation(s). Stupid stuff is happening. It's rough, and it stinks. Matthew 5:45 says that the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous alike. Ok, so life happens. There's not much I can change about that. But I can change something, right? Maybe I should start with my perception of the situation. I can speak out who I am and who I serve in the midst of the trials that I face. Here are a few truths concerning who I am and what I am capable of (and you, too!):

1. I am a conqueror (Romans 8:35)
2. I am a child of God (Hebrews 12:11)
3. I am God's beloved (1 Peter 4:12)
4. I am one of Christ's saints (2 Corinthians 1:3)
5. I am capable of accomplishing great things because of who I serve (John 14:12)
6. Ain't no devil gonna get me down (John 10:10)

This last verse is where I'm camping out right now. In John 10:10, it says that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. His goal is to steal my joy, kill my dreams, and utterly destroy my faith by placing seeds of doubt in my mind when life gets difficult. But I know that Jesus came so that I could have life, and have it in full. It is my choice to press in, to decide to "consider it pure joy...when you face trials of many kinds," because I know that the testing of my faith "develops perseverance." I also know that "perseverance must finish its work" so that I "may be complete, and lacking nothing" (James 1:2-3).

So here I am: in the midst of a several trials. My character has been attacked, but I'm still here. My nose is driving me crazy, but I'm still here. I may have felt futile, but I'm still here. I'm choosing to persevere, choosing to be joyful in all circumstances, trusting that somewhere along the line, I'll become more mature, more capable, more faithful, and more full of faith. Now if I could only get my nose to cooperate...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

When it hits the fan

Have you ever noticed that every time you make a commitment to follow God more closely, crazy things happen? And I don't mean crazy things like a flat tire (which would suck, no doubt). I mean crazy, soul-shaking, faith-challenging things. The reason I bring this up is pretty predictable: it's been less than a week since I committed myself afresh to Jesus. I wholly, openly and freely told Him to take my heart and my life and make them His own. And then it hit the fan.


Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I discovered that someone had slandered me, in the most horrible way I can imagine. I won't go into the details, but it was bad. Of course, anyone who knows me would know that the horrible rumor spread about me was not true. Unfortunately, though, I am in a new place and not many people know me that well.

When I found out what had been said about me, I was floored. "This is crazy," I thought. I kept telling myself that it must have been some kind of mistake, that this person couldn't possibly have spread such a wicked untruth. But it wasn't a mistake. She did say those things. And the potential backlash of this person's idle tale-telling could have been HUGE. It could have cost me a relationship, my job, my reputation, the reputation of my church, and worst of all, someone's perception of the Jesus I claim as my savior.

I defended myself as best as I could: with the truth. Then I went and prayed. I prayed for things to be cleared up, I prayed for God's word to divide the truth from the lies, I prayed for the person who had slandered me, I prayed for the victim of her words, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me to keep things together.

Then I realized: I was praying. I didn't flip out. I didn't give in to the wracking sobs that could have so easily taken over, or the despair that accompanies them. I prayed. I asked the Holy Spirit for help, and He answered. One of my favorite verses has always been "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus." If I could point to a textbook case of refusing anxiety and instead presenting my requests to God through prayer and petition, this was it. He didn't leave me hanging. He granted me peace that overwhelmed my heart and mind so that anxiety and despair didn't have any room to get in. For all intents and purposes, they were utterly displaced.

I also had the opportunity to sit down and talk with the person who started the ugly rumor. In the light of the truth, she was compelled to admit that I did not, in fact, say the things that she had claimed. And instead of feeling indulgently satisfied with her fall from grace, I instead felt compassion. I had to wonder what this person had been through that would make her say such things. I was compelled to forgive her. Freely. Without restraint or pause. Instead of my normal desire for vengeance and retribution, God gave me grace for this person.

This experience, while potentially explosive, has been one of the most successful, positive conflicts I have ever experienced. I've been practicing praying the word of God over my life, and this conflict gave me a great opportunity to choose to react by the Spirit rather than my own willful desires. Although I wish that hurtful words had not been said about me, I'm over it. At this point, I'm more concerned with the feelings of the other person who was a victim of the slander.

It's crazy, isn't it? It seems as though it really hit the fan, but I have escaped the situation unscathed. The stink of guilt, pride, revenge, superiority...they ain't on me! And God's word has been so much more than my sword of truth; it's been my personal crap shield. That feels just about as good as a government check!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Picture pt. 2, or, An experiment in becoming more awesome

Probably the craziest, most insane and ridiculous thing I have done during the past four years is this: I removed God from his rightful place in my life and replaced him with a number of other things. Pride, intellectualism, self-sufficiency, people, the want of peoples' attention, food, money--they all took His place.

Certainly, I went through a lot of phases where I trusted God and allowed him control of my life, but it only went so far. It's like I've been on a roller coaster of trust, where I would allow God to be God in my life for about three minutes, but after it was done, I wanted to get back to waiting in line for the roller coaster, because being in line was easier, safer. It didn't require energy, it just required that I stand around, waiting. I got really used to waiting.

But here's the crazy thing: when I was on the roller coaster, I LOVED it! I was excited about Jesus, about figuring out His will for my life, about fulfilling my purpose and worshiping God with my life. Somehow, though, I would begin to feel like my three minutes were up. I would get back in line. I would stop LIVING and start waiting.



Then I did something totally out of character. I moved to Mississippi to help start a church, trusting that God would see me through. Prior to making this decision, I went through a season of jumping on the roller coaster every chance I had. Certainly, there were times where I could feel myself getting off, but I didn't allow myself to get back in line. I jumped back on, into the Word and into the adventure that is the roller coaster.

What I didn't realize is that by making this move, choosing to trust God through this, I was deciding that I would LIVE on the roller coaster. No lines. No waiting. Just all the time, 100% roller coaster. Being on a roller coaster can be fun, but being on it all the time is tough. I have to admit that there has been a recent season where I've stepped off. I've relegated myself to waiting when I KNOW that God wants me on the ride.

I don't have great reasons for this. Insecurity is one, the fear of failure, the ease of wallowing in loneliness and homesickness. But I'm DONE! I'm sick and tired of living in line! Roller coasters may not be easy. You may get a little whiplash, you may feel a little dizzy or shaken up, but more than that, they are EXHILARATING. The God of the universe is exhilarating, awesome, amazing, and beyond compare. I want to live in the stream of his awesomeness. I want to become more like him. I want to engage in an experiment in becoming more awesome (note: awesome here just means super cool, not in any way deserving of awe or praise that belongs only to God).

This experiment has humble beginnings, because it starts in me. But God tells us that all things are possible through him, that he is sufficient to meet our every need. So I am beginning this experiment, believing that He will supply everything I need to complete it. The only thing is, it will be a very, very long experiment.

Even so, I am looking for people who want to join me, who will partner with me, be accountable with me to become more awesome for God. To live out the roller coaster ride that a relationship with God brings. Do you want a roller coaster? Are you sick of living easy in the line? Because the line can be awfully boring and frustrating.

If you'd like to start the experiment with me, here's what you can do:

1. Pray. However you want. I started by confessing to God that I've chosen to live outside of what He's wanted for me. Yes, I felt lame at the beginning. That happens when you've spent time in line. You forget what it's like, putting your hands up in the air and feel kind of dumb to begin with. I promise, it will pass.

2. Read. No, not a magazine. Not Twilight. The BIBLE! This can also help out with the praying. You might want to start somewhere like Luke 8, where it talks about the parable of the sower. We need our spiritual soil to be good so that God's word will take root and flourish. If you've never read the Bible before, start at John 1:1. If you don't have a Bible, you can go to this website and read online. I suggest either the NIV or NLT translations.

3. Share. Post a comment or share with a friend. I would love to be an encouragement to you as you begin this roller coaster ride. I will continue to post, sharing what I'm going through, so you will certainly have an empathic ear! Either way, don't go it alone! It's easy to become frustrated or quit when you feel like you're alone, so get a buddy and help them along as they help you. Like I said, I would love to be your buddy :)

4. Resource. It really helps to spur on your prayer and study time if you have some kind of framework. I know that I get way deeper if I have a guide of sometime to help you along. I have just started going through "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. She is seriously legit. There are lots of other good books you can use, though, like "The Purpose-Driven Life." For a better list, click here.

Are you ready? Let's get through waiting, and start the ride!