Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I discovered that someone had slandered me, in the most horrible way I can imagine. I won't go into the details, but it was bad. Of course, anyone who knows me would know that the horrible rumor spread about me was not true. Unfortunately, though, I am in a new place and not many people know me that well.
When I found out what had been said about me, I was floored. "This is crazy," I thought. I kept telling myself that it must have been some kind of mistake, that this person couldn't possibly have spread such a wicked untruth. But it wasn't a mistake. She did say those things. And the potential backlash of this person's idle tale-telling could have been HUGE. It could have cost me a relationship, my job, my reputation, the reputation of my church, and worst of all, someone's perception of the Jesus I claim as my savior.
I defended myself as best as I could: with the truth. Then I went and prayed. I prayed for things to be cleared up, I prayed for God's word to divide the truth from the lies, I prayed for the person who had slandered me, I prayed for the victim of her words, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me to keep things together.
Then I realized: I was praying. I didn't flip out. I didn't give in to the wracking sobs that could have so easily taken over, or the despair that accompanies them. I prayed. I asked the Holy Spirit for help, and He answered. One of my favorite verses has always been "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus." If I could point to a textbook case of refusing anxiety and instead presenting my requests to God through prayer and petition, this was it. He didn't leave me hanging. He granted me peace that overwhelmed my heart and mind so that anxiety and despair didn't have any room to get in. For all intents and purposes, they were utterly displaced.
I also had the opportunity to sit down and talk with the person who started the ugly rumor. In the light of the truth, she was compelled to admit that I did not, in fact, say the things that she had claimed. And instead of feeling indulgently satisfied with her fall from grace, I instead felt compassion. I had to wonder what this person had been through that would make her say such things. I was compelled to forgive her. Freely. Without restraint or pause. Instead of my normal desire for vengeance and retribution, God gave me grace for this person.
This experience, while potentially explosive, has been one of the most successful, positive conflicts I have ever experienced. I've been practicing praying the word of God over my life, and this conflict gave me a great opportunity to choose to react by the Spirit rather than my own willful desires. Although I wish that hurtful words had not been said about me, I'm over it. At this point, I'm more concerned with the feelings of the other person who was a victim of the slander.
It's crazy, isn't it? It seems as though it really hit the fan, but I have escaped the situation unscathed. The stink of guilt, pride, revenge, superiority...they ain't on me! And God's word has been so much more than my sword of truth; it's been my personal crap shield. That feels just about as good as a government check!
1 comment:
Praise God!
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