Chronicles of a Hopeful Heart

The road home: Part II (the Betty Ford saga)

2010-08-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Some days are full of adventure. Some days are full of drama. Sometimes when you get to the other side, you discover that the drama was all part of the adventure. I am still working toward that discovery phase, but I think that I'm making good progress.

The last couple of days have been spent in an extended visit with my friend, Amy, in Baton Rouge. The original visit was part of the plan. Its extension was not. Here's how it happened:

During one of the hottest days of the year (this past Monday), Amy indulged me in a frolic through LSU, although the frolic turned into more of a sweat-soaked trudge through the campus due to the 115 degree heat index. Because I wore a dress, Amy kept my ID and debit card in her pocket for me, so that I wouldn't have to tote my handbag with me in the sticky, blazing heat.

At the end of our journey through LSU, we drove back to the church where my car was parked and said our goodbyes. After Amy left, I turned on my car and discovered (eek!) that it wouldn't start. No big deal, I have a jump-start kit. It worked beautifully in getting my car started. As I drove away, I noticed that my battery light kept coming on, but figured that it wouldn't be a big deal because it turned off whenever I pressed the gas pedal.

At this point, I received a call from Amy. Whoops, I had left my ID and debit card with her, so I needed to pick them up posthaste. I turned my car around and started back, all the while with my battery light coming on and going off when the gas pedal was depressed. Then, while I was stuck at a light during 5pm traffic, it happened. The car DIED. DEAD. Wouldn't start for anything, not even with the gentle coaxings of my jump-starter.

I attempted to turn on my emergency flashers, but wouldn't you guess it: they wouldn't work, either. At this point, a couple of gentlemen pulled over and asked if they could help me push my car out of traffic. Of course, I accepted, but not without making an idiot of myself by trying to put the car in neutral without depressing the brake pedal.

Once the car was out of traffic, more men appeared out of nowhere, and they seemed to all take great pleasure in tinkering under the hood of my car, trying to coerce poor Betty into telling them why she had, in fact, died. It was at the point that one of them started banging on things with a wrench that I really began to be overwhelmed. I mean, try to imagine: your car is dead and there are four or five sweaty Southern men, all in overalls, all with tools of some sort, hitting things intermittently and muttering an strange accents that you cannot understand. It was all quite trying.

Thankfully, at this point, a police officer and Amy showed up (I had called both when my car was blocking traffic and I was unable to move it). The police officer observed the men and seemed satisfied that at least one of them was a knowledgeable mechanic. Eventually, we got Betty started and carefully drove her to the rear parking lot of the church, still loaded down with all of my belongings. In the morning we intended to take her to Netterville's Auto Shop, which was only a few miles away, and came highly recommended by a fellow church member.

Betty made it to the mechanic the next morning without incident, and the employees at Netterville's were very friendly. They seemed convinced that the problem was both the alternator and a faulty battery cable, and said that replacing both shouldn't take more than a few hours. "It'll be done by the end of the day, ma'am," they said.

While waiting for my car to be repaired, I spent the day with Amy's mom at the church administration office. It was probably the longest day of my trip to date. Everyone was busy (everyone but me, of course), and the internet connection kept going in and out. I was able to intermittently facebook , but watching a movie or anything actually entertaining was impossible. Boooooo.

As 5pm and the end of the day came closer, I began to get antsy. I wanted my poor car to be finished already, for Betty to make the transition back to the land of the living and get me the heck home. I called Netterville's to verify the cost of the repair and inform them that I would be there shortly. "Oooooh," Miguel (the mechanic) said. "That truck, it brought the wrong alternator and we gotta wait for another one to come in. We'll have it done tomorrow."

Tomorrow!? I wanted to get on the road, and fast! I had a long, long drive ahead of me that needed to be done and over with! Was he serious? "Yes ma'am, don't you worry, everything happens for a reason." Oooh, this made me mad. In my head I was thinking, "that was the wrong response, buddy, and my boot would like to show your behind some reason!" But I didn't. I verified what time tomorrow the repairs would be finished, as calmly and composedly as I could, and informed Amy's mom that they would be stuck with me for another night.

The night passed, and Wednesday morning rolled around. I called Netterville's to see what time my car would be ready (keep in mind that he told me it would be ready before lunch when I spoke with him the night before). "Yes, ma'am, we're still waiting on that part. It'll be ready around 12 or 1. In my head (again), I'm thinking, "You've got to be joking! 1pm!? He told me before lunch!" I'm sure my irritation was beginning to show as I ended the call and told Amy the news.

12:15 comes. I call the shop to see if Betty is ready. "No, ma'am, we haven't started on her yet. She'll be done around 2." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! SCREEEEEAAAAMS went off in my head. I am now 2 full days behind schedule and no closer to leaving than when I took the car to them Tuesday morning. I was most definitely not calm through the rest of that call, but I can't remember what exactly transpired because I was so completely peeved.

Poor Amy, she was such a trooper. Even though it was blazing hot, she amused me as long as she could before she went to work by taking me to an arboretum and getting a mocha frappe (more on this later). But because she had to work, she took me to Netterville's around 1:15 to drop me off and get my stuff out of her car. I see Betty, just as she looked when I last saw her: hood up, so that the whole world could see her engine, and not a lick of work done.

Miguel saunters up, gives me a sweet smile and says, "I was jus' about to roll her in to get that work done." I was not amused. "Well," I said, "since you're not working on it, I figured I'd get my stuff packed in." I put what I can in the car and proceed to the lobby with the remainder of my belongings.

An hour passes. An hour and a half. At 2:45, Betty is FINALLY done. I drive away, relieved that I am finished dealing with Netterville's and relieved that my car is going to work brilliantly from here on out. I drive for about 4 hours and stop at a rural intersection for a nice little picnic, complete with my dinky Styrofoam ice chest and the Judds on the CD player.

I enjoy my pita and a peach, and pack up my car. I put the key in the ignition and turn. Click....click....click. Betty is once again dead, and I am in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, my jump-start kit is fully charged, and it's no problem getting Betty started with its help. As I'm about to close the hood, something catches my eye. Something that is icky, corroded, and attached to the battery. Then I realize: they didn't replace the battery cable.

I'm certain that there's adventure and humor in this somewhere, but I can't quite see it for the red cloud of frustration clouding my judgment at the moment. At present, I'm in Shreveport enjoying an iced coffee and praying that Betty will start without assistance. But at least I'm in an actual city now.

The moral of the story: Stay far, far away from Netterville's Auto Body in Baker, Louisiana. And try to find perspective in the rough bits of life. There's humor there, I promise.

The road home

2010-08-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a mere three days since I left Mississippi, three days full of excitement, friendship, adventure and drama. The road home is not nearly as smooth or predictable as I had planned, but it is certainly exciting!

Early Sunday morning I headed down to Baton Rouge to visit with my friend, Amy. We met up at Bethany World Prayer Center, where I was able to catch the 11am service. Wow. The diversity of the church is stunning, the music beautiful, and the message poignant and well-delivered. It was a great feeling, being able to sit back and enjoy the service. I definitely appreciated it more, having a good idea of all the work that goes into making a church service work smoothly.

After church, Amy and I headed back to her house, which is located in the backwoods of Louisiana. No joke. It takes about an hour to get to her house from Bethany, down winding, twisting roads lined with trees, meadows, farms and the occasional gas station or convenience store. Along the way, we passed towns with names like "Baker," "Slaughter," and "Zachary." I felt nostalgic the entire drive, like the score to 'Elizabethtown' should have been playing in the background.

Amy's property line is shared with a campground that isn't used anymore. In its heyday, Kueta was a girls' camp with horseback riding, pottery classes, hiking, swimming, games and Bible stories. We had a great time bumming around the camp and looking into the old horse stable, a red structure with bright green ivy trailing down the side. Inside, there were old stables with worn wooden gates and feed sacks scattered over the dusty floor. Amy was able to remember which horse went in each stall when she was a child, back when Kueta was in full swing.

While we were looking around the camp, we got the brilliant idea to hike down to Lost Creek, which was supposed to be less than a mile down a trail. We walked through the deserted camp, pushed our way through waist-high grasses, and searched for the trail. It wasn't there. Not satisfied with the lack of trail, we decided to search for the creek anyway. Luckily, Amy is familiar with the area and knew in what general direction to search. We scrambled over logs, stepped carefully over briars and poison ivy, followed part of an old logging trail, skittered down a hill, and finally came upon a sandy white beach littered with small plants and stones. Lost Creek had finally been found!

Amy and I took our shoes off and waded in the cool water. It felt so good on our hot, sticky ankles and feet. While we were wading, Amy came across a chunk of purple clay that had fallen from the opposite bank. It was so strange to find, sitting in a creek, clay that had the consistency of store-bought modeling clay. We played with it, shaped it, and covered our hands and arms with the clay. As we washed it off the creek turned purple, a sign that the long-deserted creek finally had visitors.

Amy's dad met us on the trek back to her house and gave us a ride on the back of the truck. Since we were fairly drenched with sweat and covered in grass seeds, we gratefully accepted the ride, enjoying the wind that buffeted our faces as we rode down the bumpy, grassy drive. I have never been so thankful for a shower in my life, or so exhilarated and exhausted all at once. We ate the pork chops Amy mom prepared with relish, enjoying each and every bite. Later, as I collapsed into my cool, soft bed , I counted my blessings for the day: a great friend, a memorable adventure, good food, and above all, showers.

Survey!

2010-07-02T19:21:00.001-07:00

I stole this from Shawna because it looked like too much fun. Here goes...

1. Were you named after anyone?
My middle name is from my Aunt June, my dad's sister.

2. When did you last cry?
The last time I talked to Carson. That little booger makes me tear up.

3. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Oven roasted turkey breast. So delicious!

4. Do you still have your tonsils?
I do!

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope, tying and untying shoes annoys me.

6. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Rocky Road is so good. But so is Ben & Jerry's Country Peach Cobbler.

7. Shoe Size?
It kind of depends on the shoe, but usually 9 1/2 or 10.

8. Who do you miss the most?
My Lo.

9. Last thing you ate?
Rocky Road ice cream :)

10. What are you listening to right now?
Jim Henson's 'The Storyteller.' Netflix is awesome.

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Laura!

12. What's the strangest thing you've seen?
A confederate flag with Barack Obama's face emblazoned on it.

13. Do you wear contacts?
When I feel like it.

14. What is the worst thing you've ever eaten?
Nasty liver stuff that my Gramie made me eat once. Sick.

15. Last movie you watched at the movie theatre?
Letters to Juliet. Yep, I watched it.

16. Favorite Dessert?
Strawberry shortcake.

17. What books are you reading?
'Praying God's Word,' 'Pride & Prejudice,' & 'Don't Waste your Life'

18. What did you watch last night?
The Last Boy Scout. Haha, my Dad made me.

19. The furthest you've been from home?
South Africa.

20. What's your special talent?
I'm not sure I have one, but I like to crochet, cook and make cards for my friends.

21. Favorite singer right now?
Harry Connick, Jr. Then, now and forever.

22. Right or Lefty?
Lefty!

23. One thing you want to do before you die?
Climb Half Dome. No contest.

Dad

2010-06-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

There are a few things you should know about my dad:

1. BBQ is a religion to him. Seriously. He believes fervently in three things: oak pit bbq, the right brew to go with it, and the power of a good homemade bbq sauce.

2. He's not a fan of technology. At least that's what he says. But although he refuses to text or use the internet, I'm pretty sure he listens to XM Satellite radio non-stop and watches Dish network whenever he gets the chance.

3. We haven't always been close. There are a lot of lost years between my Dad and I. In fact, I've only begun to really know and appreciate him in the last four years or so. After he and my mom got divorced when I was in Junior High, I pretty much cut him off because I thought he was the "bad guy" in the situation. And because he didn't constantly plead with me to come and visit him, I thought he didn't care. I was so wrong. Those years that I didn't spend time with my Dad hurt him deeply. He regrets not being the "nagging" father and having a presence during my junior high and high school years. Years that saw the shaping of my character, where the loving encouragement of a dad would have been a huge help. I regret those years, too, and wish that I hadn't cut him off. But you know how divorces go...the kids always feel like they have to take sides, and I was no different. I chose my side. I wish I had possessed the insight to see that there really aren't any sides at all. But this whole experience has given me the opportunity to experience yet another of my dad's qualities:

4. My dad is loving and forgiving. He has a different way of showing it, but he definitely showers his love on the people who are important to him. You just have to know his love languages, which include (but are not limited to) BBQ, control of the TV remote, treating you to a meal out, hugs, TV time, and consistently bragging about you to his friends (which, of course, I have never heart firsthand, but have heard plenty about).

5. My dad is a fighter. He's lost a child, been through bankruptcy, seen two of his siblings die because of drug and alcohol addictions, grew up without a dad, been married and divorced twice, worked in the prison system for over 20 years, and struggled through diverticulitis, two herniated discs, and two knee replacements. But he's still going, still fighting. He still supports the people he cares about through all of their mistakes (although he might grumble while he's doing it). And he still puts on a crazy amazing Memorial Day BBQ every single year for whoever wants to come and eat. Yep, he's a fighter.

6. My dad has a limited wardrobe. He mainly wears denim shorts, flip flops and a tank top that he got in Cancun, Ensenada, or some kind of cruise. His favorites are shirts that have a message, like "5 reasons beer is better than women," "1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, FLOOR," or some other party-related colloqualism.
We've tried and tried to get him to wear "normal" shirts, but for some reason, he is unwavering in his determination to wear his "funny" shirts until they fall apart. It's ok, though, because the "funny" shirts are definitely a step up from the shiny spandex shorts and semi-mesh tank tops that my dad used to wear.

7. He is a road trip WARRIOR. No joke. We drove to Elbe, WA from Atascadero, CA in less than a day. I think we might have stopped three or four times: for gas, bathroom break, food, and a "power nap." I'm very similar when it comes to driving long distance. Unless I have something in mind that I want to see, I'd rather just get to my destination. Pit stops are short, sweet and to the point. No messing around whatsoever!
My dad is bringing his lady friend and her son with him to visit me in July. He seems to think that they can make it here in two days. I think they will probably do it. Like I said, road trip WARRIOR.

8. He likes to shoot things. I think I get this from him. Beer cans, squirrels, woodpeckers, targets, you name it, we'll shoot it. One of the things I'm most looking forward to when he visits is spending some quality time together, shooting off about a million rounds and then eating some of his special tri-tip. Mmmm, good!

Resemblance?

9. I love him unconditionally. No matter what happens, I have determined that no level of communication gaps, craziness or family drama will separate me from my dad. He's got a heart of gold under the gritty show he puts on, and I love him for it!

So even though my dad doesn't use the internet and will probably never read this, I'm putting it out here for all the blogosphere to see:

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD! I LOVE YOU!

Happenings

2010-06-17T22:43:00.001-07:00

I haven't written lately because my mind's in a million places. It's been difficult to collect my thoughts and come up with something interesting or coherent. Here's what I've been up to:

1. I visited California's central coast, where I hiked, visited friends and family, ate tri-tip, and helped my friend, Shiran, out with her wedding. I'm not sure that I want to be a wedding coordinator again any time in the near future, but I was soooo glad to help Shir out on her special day!

2. I started a website for my photography and put a page on facebook. I've decided that I really want to pursue photography more, both for artistic enrichment and potential income. I have a display up at the Oak Street Place gallery right now as part of the Laurel Underground Arts exhibit. Hooray!

3. The Laurel Farmers Market, of which I am the manager, has finally begun! Last week was our first market, and it was AMAZING, despite the rain. I had a great time, and even got interviewed for the local paper. Read it here.

4. I've been working like a crazy person: Olan Mills, the cafe, Farmers Market, some freelance photography, and church stuff. It's kind of insane, but it keeps me out of trouble ;)

5. I moved into a different mobile home at "the ranch," and I'm patiently waiting here all by my lonesome for Beth, Becky, Ian and Jill to get here. Beth and I are going to be the most amazing of housemates. Yay!

I think that about sums it up for now, at least in terms of what I've been doing. I promise I'll provide something more substantive next time!

To Carson

2010-05-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Sweet nephew,

I cannot believe how quickly you are growing up! It seems like just yesterday we were waiting for you to be born; suddenly you're a precocious toddler, infatuated with exploring the world around you.

Sweet boy, know that you are loved. You have a group of people surrounding you who love you, will fight for you, and will tell you how special and amazing you are every day. No matter what happens, you can count on them, and on your Creator to see you through.

Don't ever lose your love of adventure: they are part of who God designed you to be! And through the tough times in life, your adventurous, fun-loving spirit will pull you through and help you to see the bright side of things.

And always, always remember that you have an Auntie who loves you dearly. She will be there for you no matter what! Keep growing, keep loving, and keep learning, my sweet nephew. You are a wonderful, amazing little boy and I love you so, so much!

With all the love, hugs and kisses in the world,
Auntie Andrea

I left my heart in...

2010-05-15T12:37:00.000-07:00

Three short days remain until I board a plane to California, where I will have twelve blissful days of family and friends, visiting my old haunts, hiking my heart out, and witnessing the marriage of one of my most favorite people. It's strange to think that it's been five whole months since I packed up (most of) my belongings into my Ford Focus and trekked across the country to make my home in Jones County, Mississippi.

This transition has been the most difficult thing I have ever undertaken. Nothing here is predictable, not even the weather (in the last ten minutes, we have had sun, humidity, thundershowers, and now calm overcast skies). I find myself constantly sticking my foot in my mouth, guilty of some cultural faux pas that my California upbringing definitely did not prepare me for. I find myself missing the most random things: Trader Joe's, hummus, the Pacific Ocean, the familiarity of making waffles with Katie, Rene' and Brittney on a Sunday morning, and lending a hand with a stubborn horse pen that desperately needs cleaning.
Through it all, though, I've survived. I've found some work and I'm doing my best to re-orient myself, so that I think of Mississippi, not California, as my home. One thing that has made the transition bearable has been the people. Wonderful people, who have invaded my life and my heart in ways that I could not have predicted. And since I can't take them with me to California, I'm sending them before me through the blogosphere, in hopes that my California family can begin to know and appreciate the people that have begun to fill the holes that California left in my heart.

This is Brooke. We work together at Lee's Coffee & Tea, and she has been such a source of encouragement in my life. Brooke is the kind of person you want on your side: cheerful and constant. She is getting ready to embark on her own adventure, marriage and a move to Pennsylvania, where she'll help start up a church.

Meet Gabby. What can I say about this girl? She reminds me at times of my cousin in Tennessee because of her bubbly personality. Gabby is an amazing person: fiercely loyal, full of life, and so artistic! When she's not working at Lee's with Brooke and I, she's probably making headbands for her business, Anchor and Sparrow, or hanging out with Patrick.

Patrick is a creative kind of guy. Besides being the boyfriend of Gabby, he also works for Roberts Creative, designing web content, branding, and other such things. According to an article I read in the ReView today, Patrick is going to be opening a store, called Chuck & Sally downtown! One of the things I appreciate about Patrick is his willingness to question things. I think he's a bit cerebral, like someone else I know.... He also owes me a homemade cheeseburger.

And where would I be without Amanda? We have enjoyed some amazingly fun times together: Farmer's Market, Bop's, Beauty and the Beast at the Saenger, movies, mall trips, and the list goes on. She's a nursing student at local community college, but she also has a B.S. in Biology. Wicked smart. I love that about her :) Plus, she likes to go on random adventures with me, which makes me sooooo happy!

Then there's Jackie. Jackie is a person of super-amazing persuasive and administrative talents. I am constantly in awe of her ability to get things done quickly and effectively. We've been working together on Farmer's Market, and she is always full of great ideas, and she always has the contacts and resources line up to make things happen. Jackie is a HUGE part of revitalizing downtown Laurel.

And finally (at least, for now) there's Bill. Need a cool home design? Bill's your guy. He's also super encouraging, and nearly always has a kind word. Bill is also musical, and he plays keys in a band. I haven't seen him play yet, but I'm determined to someday! Bill is also a big part of the revitalization plan for downtown Laurel. He, Jackie, Eric Roberts and I have been working to get the space all ready for our first market on June 4th.

That's all I have time for now! I promise, I'll introduce you all to some more of my Mississippi peeps as soon as I get a chance! California, here I come!

Aftermath

2010-05-12T19:07:00.001-07:00

There are some things in life that I will never understand. Coffee, for example. I hated it so much when I was young, but now I can't get enough of it! It's my stimulant of choice, both because of its tantalizing aroma and the way it makes the world a happier place for about two hours. I tend to think that coffee is one of God's better ideas, right up there with scenic views and sunsets. But I digress. The thing I've been thinking of that I really don't understand is the nature of trials, and more specifically, how one rough patch seems to serve as a warning that there are more difficult things looming ahead.

These last few weeks have been rough for me. First, there was the slander issue I dealt with. That rocked me to my core. I have never had my character so brutally bashed, and seemingly for no reason at all. I felt as though I dealt with that situation well, only to discover that it was more complicated than I had thought. And following closely on the heels of this trial were more frustrations!

If you have spent time with me at all, you know that my nose drives me completely bonkers. Not because of the way it looks, but because I have a condition that causes persistent blockages in my sinuses. The condition can be corrected through surgery, but it's quite expensive and requires that I stay on bed rest for a week following the procedure.

I had paid for health insurance so that I could get surgery on my sinuses, but when my doctor tried to schedule the surgery, my insurance told him that I had NO surgical benefits. I was crushed, especially since the customer service agent had told me specifically that I would have surgical, hospital, and medical benefits when I signed up for the plan. And since it's springtime, my allergies have been particularly difficult. This makes it hard for me to breathe, hard for me to sleep, and hard for me to function in general.

As if this weren't enough, I began to feel like I was being attacked...like people were talking about me, like the things I'm doing for the church aren't effective or useful, like no one really cares. In short, the physical things that had happened were threatening my perception of my spiritual identity. A recipe for disaster for sure.

At this juncture, it becomes useful to see what God's word has to say about the my situation(s). Stupid stuff is happening. It's rough, and it stinks. Matthew 5:45 says that the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous alike. Ok, so life happens. There's not much I can change about that. But I can change something, right? Maybe I should start with my perception of the situation. I can speak out who I am and who I serve in the midst of the trials that I face. Here are a few truths concerning who I am and what I am capable of (and you, too!):

1. I am a conqueror (Romans 8:35)
2. I am a child of God (Hebrews 12:11)
3. I am God's beloved (1 Peter 4:12)
4. I am one of Christ's saints (2 Corinthians 1:3)
5. I am capable of accomplishing great things because of who I serve (John 14:12)
6. Ain't no devil gonna get me down (John 10:10)

This last verse is where I'm camping out right now. In John 10:10, it says that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. His goal is to steal my joy, kill my dreams, and utterly destroy my faith by placing seeds of doubt in my mind when life gets difficult. But I know that Jesus came so that I could have life, and have it in full. It is my choice to press in, to decide to "consider it pure joy...when you face trials of many kinds," because I know that the testing of my faith "develops perseverance." I also know that "perseverance must finish its work" so that I "may be complete, and lacking nothing" (James 1:2-3).

So here I am: in the midst of a several trials. My character has been attacked, but I'm still here. My nose is driving me crazy, but I'm still here. I may have felt futile, but I'm still here. I'm choosing to persevere, choosing to be joyful in all circumstances, trusting that somewhere along the line, I'll become more mature, more capable, more faithful, and more full of faith. Now if I could only get my nose to cooperate...

When it hits the fan

2010-05-05T18:47:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that every time you make a commitment to follow God more closely, crazy things happen? And I don't mean crazy things like a flat tire (which would suck, no doubt). I mean crazy, soul-shaking, faith-challenging things. The reason I bring this up is pretty predictable: it's been less than a week since I committed myself afresh to Jesus. I wholly, openly and freely told Him to take my heart and my life and make them His own. And then it hit the fan.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I discovered that someone had slandered me, in the most horrible way I can imagine. I won't go into the details, but it was bad. Of course, anyone who knows me would know that the horrible rumor spread about me was not true. Unfortunately, though, I am in a new place and not many people know me that well.

When I found out what had been said about me, I was floored. "This is crazy," I thought. I kept telling myself that it must have been some kind of mistake, that this person couldn't possibly have spread such a wicked untruth. But it wasn't a mistake. She did say those things. And the potential backlash of this person's idle tale-telling could have been HUGE. It could have cost me a relationship, my job, my reputation, the reputation of my church, and worst of all, someone's perception of the Jesus I claim as my savior.

I defended myself as best as I could: with the truth. Then I went and prayed. I prayed for things to be cleared up, I prayed for God's word to divide the truth from the lies, I prayed for the person who had slandered me, I prayed for the victim of her words, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me to keep things together.

Then I realized: I was praying. I didn't flip out. I didn't give in to the wracking sobs that could have so easily taken over, or the despair that accompanies them. I prayed. I asked the Holy Spirit for help, and He answered. One of my favorite verses has always been "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, through prayer and petition, present your requests to God; and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus." If I could point to a textbook case of refusing anxiety and instead presenting my requests to God through prayer and petition, this was it. He didn't leave me hanging. He granted me peace that overwhelmed my heart and mind so that anxiety and despair didn't have any room to get in. For all intents and purposes, they were utterly displaced.

I also had the opportunity to sit down and talk with the person who started the ugly rumor. In the light of the truth, she was compelled to admit that I did not, in fact, say the things that she had claimed. And instead of feeling indulgently satisfied with her fall from grace, I instead felt compassion. I had to wonder what this person had been through that would make her say such things. I was compelled to forgive her. Freely. Without restraint or pause. Instead of my normal desire for vengeance and retribution, God gave me grace for this person.

This experience, while potentially explosive, has been one of the most successful, positive conflicts I have ever experienced. I've been practicing praying the word of God over my life, and this conflict gave me a great opportunity to choose to react by the Spirit rather than my own willful desires. Although I wish that hurtful words had not been said about me, I'm over it. At this point, I'm more concerned with the feelings of the other person who was a victim of the slander.

It's crazy, isn't it? It seems as though it really hit the fan, but I have escaped the situation unscathed. The stink of guilt, pride, revenge, superiority...they ain't on me! And God's word has been so much more than my sword of truth; it's been my personal crap shield. That feels just about as good as a government check!

Picture pt. 2, or, An experiment in becoming more awesome

2010-05-01T08:51:00.001-07:00

Probably the craziest, most insane and ridiculous thing I have done during the past four years is this: I removed God from his rightful place in my life and replaced him with a number of other things. Pride, intellectualism, self-sufficiency, people, the want of peoples' attention, food, money--they all took His place.

Certainly, I went through a lot of phases where I trusted God and allowed him control of my life, but it only went so far. It's like I've been on a roller coaster of trust, where I would allow God to be God in my life for about three minutes, but after it was done, I wanted to get back to waiting in line for the roller coaster, because being in line was easier, safer. It didn't require energy, it just required that I stand around, waiting. I got really used to waiting.

But here's the crazy thing: when I was on the roller coaster, I LOVED it! I was excited about Jesus, about figuring out His will for my life, about fulfilling my purpose and worshiping God with my life. Somehow, though, I would begin to feel like my three minutes were up. I would get back in line. I would stop LIVING and start waiting.

Then I did something totally out of character. I moved to Mississippi to help start a church, trusting that God would see me through. Prior to making this decision, I went through a season of jumping on the roller coaster every chance I had. Certainly, there were times where I could feel myself getting off, but I didn't allow myself to get back in line. I jumped back on, into the Word and into the adventure that is the roller coaster.

What I didn't realize is that by making this move, choosing to trust God through this, I was deciding that I would LIVE on the roller coaster. No lines. No waiting. Just all the time, 100% roller coaster. Being on a roller coaster can be fun, but being on it all the time is tough. I have to admit that there has been a recent season where I've stepped off. I've relegated myself to waiting when I KNOW that God wants me on the ride.

I don't have great reasons for this. Insecurity is one, the fear of failure, the ease of wallowing in loneliness and homesickness. But I'm DONE! I'm sick and tired of living in line! Roller coasters may not be easy. You may get a little whiplash, you may feel a little dizzy or shaken up, but more than that, they are EXHILARATING. The God of the universe is exhilarating, awesome, amazing, and beyond compare. I want to live in the stream of his awesomeness. I want to become more like him. I want to engage in an experiment in becoming more awesome (note: awesome here just means super cool, not in any way deserving of awe or praise that belongs only to God).

This experiment has humble beginnings, because it starts in me. But God tells us that all things are possible through him, that he is sufficient to meet our every need. So I am beginning this experiment, believing that He will supply everything I need to complete it. The only thing is, it will be a very, very long experiment.

Even so, I am looking for people who want to join me, who will partner with me, be accountable with me to become more awesome for God. To live out the roller coaster ride that a relationship with God brings. Do you want a roller coaster? Are you sick of living easy in the line? Because the line can be awfully boring and frustrating.

If you'd like to start the experiment with me, here's what you can do:

1. Pray. However you want. I started by confessing to God that I've chosen to live outside of what He's wanted for me. Yes, I felt lame at the beginning. That happens when you've spent time in line. You forget what it's like, putting your hands up in the air and feel kind of dumb to begin with. I promise, it will pass.

2. Read. No, not a magazine. Not Twilight. The BIBLE! This can also help out with the praying. You might want to start somewhere like Luke 8, where it talks about the parable of the sower. We need our spiritual soil to be good so that God's word will take root and flourish. If you've never read the Bible before, start at John 1:1. If you don't have a Bible, you can go to this website and read online. I suggest either the NIV or NLT translations.

3. Share. Post a comment or share with a friend. I would love to be an encouragement to you as you begin this roller coaster ride. I will continue to post, sharing what I'm going through, so you will certainly have an empathic ear! Either way, don't go it alone! It's easy to become frustrated or quit when you feel like you're alone, so get a buddy and help them along as they help you. Like I said, I would love to be your buddy :)

4. Resource. It really helps to spur on your prayer and study time if you have some kind of framework. I know that I get way deeper if I have a guide of sometime to help you along. I have just started going through "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. She is seriously legit. There are lots of other good books you can use, though, like "The Purpose-Driven Life." For a better list, click here.

Are you ready? Let's get through waiting, and start the ride!

Mini-adventures to my heart

2010-04-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I'm supposed to write part II of "picture," but some crazy, somewhat intriguing things have happened, so I needed to post a (slightly) brief intermission.

I can't believe that only a month ago I was wondering what I was here for and feeling displaced because I didn't have anything to do. These days, I have SO MUCH to do that it sometimes feels that there aren't enough hours in the day. Despite the busyness, though, little adventures have been occurring along the way that remind me of how God is constantly whispering in my ear, reminding me that He knows my heart and has things planned for me. For example:
A few days ago, on the front end of crazy storms and a tornado warning, I found a turtle.

Yes, that's right, a turtle. An Eastern Box Turtle, to be precise. And I think it was a boy. Perhaps it might not seem significant to other people, but this turtle came at a really good time. You see, I don't do very well with tornado warnings and such, and I really needed something to make me feel safe, to remind me of home. One of the things that my "adopted" family likes to do is catch critters they find around the farm (mostly reptiles and amphibians) and keep them as temporary house guests (in a terrarium, of course). They observe the creature, have an opportunity to learn about it, and then release it back into the wild.

So there I was, driving home and worrying about the possibility of a tornado, and I see this cute little turtle sitting in the middle of the road, waiting for, I don't know what. Perhaps he was sunning himself, or perhaps he had decided that he had enough of life. Either way, I wasn't willing to let him be smashed into the pavement, so I stopped my car, picked him up, and took him home.

Then the idea hits me: I can keep the turtle for a couple of days, show him to the kids, have a fun learning opportunity, and then release him back into the wild! Saturday afternoon, I showed the turtle to the kids (as well as everyone else in the "compound") and gave them a bit of box turtle info. Saturday evening, Mr. Turtle was successfully released into the wild, where he is (with any luck) finding himself a Mrs. Turtle so that they can help remedy the declining number of Eastern Box turtles. In my excitement for the turtle, I almost forgot about the tornado warning. Thank you, Jesus!

Fortunately, we stayed safe from the weather. Others in Northern Mississippi were not so lucky. A tornado, 1 1/2 miles wide, destroyed a significant swath of land and homes, and left a few people dead. Among the buildings destroyed was a church that had recently finished rebuilding from a fire that had burned it to the ground. I can't even imagine what that must be like. These people really need our prayers and support, so that they are not overtaken by despair or feelings of futility. So that they feel lifted up, encouraged, and cared for by their brothers and sisters in Christ and in humanity.

Switching gears, a family I have come to know and love is the Trest family. I work in the same building as Adam, who teaches art classes and likes it when I beat him at Scrabble. Brooke (who is not really a Trest), is the sister of Adam's sister-in-law. Make sense? Anyway, Brooke's sister, who really is a Trest (because she's married to Adam's brother), makes these really adorable stuffed animals, dolls, and other things of the adorable genre. Her name is Dawn, and her business is called "hello dearie."

Because she is super amazing, Dawn is giving away a completely wonderful ruffled apron, which I would LOVE to wear while I make food at the cafe'. So I entered her drawing, and you should, too. Check it out at http://www.hellodearie.com

That's all for now!

Picture

2010-04-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

It's been almost four years since I graduated from Cal Poly. Right now I find myself wondering, what have I done with myself since then? It's not enough to just do things, you know? You need to feel like you're building something with your life. I started feeling curious as to what I've been building over the past four years. This seemed like a good opportunity to go on a kind of pictorial tour to remind myself of what I've accomplished with my life since Cal Poly.

I spent a total of ten summers serving at Camp Good News as a counselor, Bible teacher, and missions teacher. I can't even count the number of kids I've worked with during that time, but I do remember some of the more recent ones, kids who touched my life tremendously.

These girls were in the last cabin I had, two years ago. We were the oldest cabin during the last week at Emmanuel Heights. I remember that there was a lot of conflict coming from a couple of the campers, but these wonderful ladies did their utmost to make even the most difficult situation feel lighthearted. The following year, the camper who had caused the most conflict in the cabin wound up accepting Christ and turning her life around in a lot of ways. I've had the privilege of getting to correspond with her a bit, and it's amazing to hear just how much better things have gotten for her. I am certain that God used these girls to speak to her during a difficult time. They certainly were a testimony to God's love in this girl's life.

I also went to grad school. What a challenge! Tons of reading, a big, new, scary city, a new group of people, and all my friends and family far away. I am glad to say that completing this challenge led me to figure out what I love to do: teach. I got to work with some amazing faculty, create quality research, and build a solid foundation for the next chapter of my life. Even though I was glad to leave Sacramento when I did, there are still quality people there who I miss, like my old church family, my thesis advisor, my favorite comm theory professor (pictured), and a few of my fellow students.

After graduating, I took a job at Cuesta where I got to teach lots of fun classes: argumentation & debate, public speaking, and group communication. What a wonderful experience! While it was weird having a former teacher as a colleague, I learned so much during this time about how to reach my students, how to manage relationships with fellow faculty effectively, and how to manage multiple jobs. I also became the asst. manager and, later, manager of the portrait studio. What a crazy time in my life! I learned a lot about handling conflict effectively and having the courage to stand for what is right, no matter what the consequence.

During this time in SLO, I also committed to hiking and exploring all that SLO had to offer. What a wonderful time I had! I hiked and hiked and hiked, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. I remember one amazing hike where my friend, Yvetta joined me. I think that was one of my favorite memories of our hangouts. We had to cut our hike a bit shorter than intended because it rained, but we had such great conversation and such genuine enjoyment of the trail that it didn't matter. Yvetta actually took this picture on our hike. What an awesome day!

Speaking of friends, I got to build some AMAZING friendships during the past four years, with my family and friends who are as close to me as family. My sister and I have become so much closer since I left Cal Poly, and I love her SO much. I have certainly had to learn how to trust her to God and not take care of everything myself, but I think that both my sis and I have grown from the experience. I can't believe that I got to see her graduate from Poly, too!

Last May, I had the opportunity to spend time with my Dad and drive up to Washington to visit family. What a great time we had! We explored, shot lots of guns, and visited with family. So much fun!

Wow, we're only halfway through, and I'm thinking of more that has happened, so perhaps I should continue on another post! The rest to follow....

A whitewashed tomb?

2010-04-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have had a whirlwind of a weekend, and it's been making me think. I drove up to Memphis in the early hours of the morning on Friday to hang out with a friend and attend the Southern States Communication Association conference. During our time there, we visited Graceland, BB King's Blues Cafe' and the National Civil Rights Museum. It was amazing being in a city so rich with history. both good and bad.

One of the things that struck me the most during this visit was a woman who set up a booth outside the Civil Rights Museum. As per the tradition set forth by Dr. King, she was engaging in non-confrontational, nonviolent protest. Her banners read, "You are about to desecrate the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King," and "Boycott the National Civil Rights Museum Now!"

At first I was shocked that someone would dare to make such a controversial statement at a place meant to memorialize the memory of Dr. King and all he stood for, practically at the front door of the museum. But then I decided to take the time and actually evaluate her arguments. What I found surprised me more than I could have anticipated.

Apparently, before Dr. King was shot and the museum was built, the area surrounding the Lorraine Motel was a lower-income, predominantly black area. The Lorraine Motel housed not only guests, but residents. When the museum was built, the residents were forced out of the motel. Adding insult to injury for these residents, the lower income housing was demolished and replaced with high-rise condominiums that none of the area residents would be able to afford.

The displacement of the people originally residing in the neighborhood surrounding the Lorraine Motel is the result of a phenomenon called gentrification. Basically, wealthier people buy up housing in a low-income area and raise rents to the point that the original tenants can no longer afford to live there. While the physical space may become more attractive, the end result is that low income housing is lost. People who may have been living in an area for years and years suddenly find themselves without a home or a neighborhood.

The last resident of the Lorraine Motel, Jacqueline Smith, refused to leave her residence of several years and barricaded herself inside the motel. She was forcibly removed. Ever since, she has protested outside of the Civil Rights Museum. She argues that Dr. King would not have wanted his legacy used to perpetuate the gap between the rich and the poor, that the site of his death would be better put to use as a low-cost college, clinic, or workforce development site.

While I didn't boycott the museum, I did keep Smith's arguments in mind during my tour. I expected to find a reminder of our past and admonitions for the future. Unfortunately, I found much of the former and none of the latter.

During a film I viewed at the museum, one of Dr. King's friends recounted King's deep compassion for the poor and his commitment to redressing economic disparities. In fact, during King's last fatal stay at the Lorraine Motel, he was part of a rally for the Memphis sanitation workers, whose wages were so low that they couldn't afford housing. During that time, King was also involved in a march on Washington, where he and hundreds of other people committed to living in a tent city in Washington, DC, until the government engaged in economic reform.

I found it saddening and ironic that there, at the very site where this great man died because of his deep compassion for the poor, King's legacy was being used as an excuse to displace the very people he came to help. There, where this visionary was gunned down, stands a tomb in memorial of a movement that has yet to reach completion. Sadly, there was no vision for the future contained within this museum, no call to action for our generation.

During King's last speech, known as the "Mountaintop Speech," King said, "...I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land."

So I ask you: Does the National Civil Rights Museum fulfill King's legacy? Or is it simply a monument to a promised land that we have yet to reach?

The balcony where King was shot.

The Flood

2010-04-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

God is crazy. Like, crazy good. I've always heard that "God works in mysterious ways," but I'm not sure that I ever fully understood what that means. Perhaps I still don't, but I think I'm getting an idea.

I've been in Mississippi now for almost three months. For more than two of those months, I was very, very unemployed. I searched for jobs, applied for jobs, but nothing really came of it. Then I got a small gig as the market manager for the Laurel Farmer's Market, which starts in June. Not a lot of cash, but something. Then I got another small gig, helping a local building to put together an application for a Mississippi Main Street award. Again, not a lot of cash, but something.

Then, on Sunday, I got word that I was needed at the local cafe'/coffee shop. Minimum wage, but hey, I'll take it! Then today I officially started a gig as a freelance editor for a local web design company, and found out that I'm needed to manage another farmer's market. From no job, to a veritable FLOOD of employment: market manager, barista, freelance editor, all at once. I'm telling you, this is CRAZY!

So here is my question: why, when I felt the need for work, when I was going crazy and WANTED work more than anything, why was it that at that time I couldn't get a job, despite my plethora of qualifications? Why is it that all at once, I get a crazy amount of work, most of which I didn't even seek out? I'm telling you, God is crazy. He knows everything.

He knew that I needed time to rest; He knew that I needed to acclimate myself to my surroundings; He knew that I needed to have jobs in Laurel where our ministry is and not where the big job market is. He knew that I would be all too eager to take whatever job sounded good, whether or not it was really good for me. He knew. Everything.

This is MY downtown, with my cafe' in the green 4-story building.

So here I am, with yet another set of qualifications to pad my already brimming resume. I'm not bragging. It's just the truth. I'm working the type of job I always secretly envied others but was afraid to try; happily plugging away for minimum wage in a legit cafe with a colorful set of regulars and a staff that feels like family. And what's crazier is that I actually seem to be GOOD at it. After only three days on the job, I find myself negotiating the cafe with ease, handling orders, finding whatever work needs to be done, and being an asset to those around me. Being a blessing in my workplace. I love it.

So perhaps the next time I feel stranded and desperate in my situation I'll remember the story of the flood. No, not Noah's flood. Mine. My flood of employment that appeared out of nowhere when I was stranded in a desert of free time and unemployment. I'll remember that God provides the means to fulfill a purpose when you take the time to recall what your purpose is. Mine is to serve, the way that He came to serve me.

So if you find yourself in Mississippi, come on in and see me. I make a mean raspberry truffle latte, if you don't mind my saying so. And I make it with a smile. =)

News

2010-04-05T07:16:00.001-07:00

Spring fashion week may be over, but I'm determined that my blogging will not end with it. This is such an amazing time in life (since I've moved to a new place and am having so many new experiences) that I really should be writing them all down.

Yesterday was the official launch service for our church (Agape Church). What a crazy day, but what a blessed day, too! I had the mother of one of my toddlers tell me that her daughter has been asking all week when she can come back to church, because she has so much fun. I think that's the biggest compliment I could ever get!

It's interesting working with toddlers, because their attention span is so limited. As a college-level teacher, I've been trained to create lesson plans with transitions, facilitate meaningful discussion, and plan pretty much everything. But with toddlers, you can't do that. It's as if I'm learning to teach in a new way, where I have to be even more sensitive to my "students" in order to find, rather than plan the opportunities to have a discussion (as much as they can discuss) that leads to a real teaching moment.

I think the bigger picture is that, while we may not have lots of intriguing, probing, intellectual talks, there are teaching moments everywhere with these kids: in the way we treat each other, in the way I am helping them to share, in the stories we read, the games we play, and even in our snack time. Learning to be sensitive to these teaching moments, I think, is making me a better teacher because I am learning to pay even more attention to my students, instead of plowing forward in my curriculum willy-nilly.

And who could resist those adorable faces? I love my little munchkins so much, that I don't think I'd trade my Sundays with them for anything.

Spring Fashion Sunday - Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so sad that Spring fashion week is at a close, but I am so glad to have had the opportunity to dust off my blog and participate in such a fun event. Thanks, Emery!

Because I work with the toddlers at church, I don't really get to wear "fun" clothing. So as soon as we got home, I was itching to shed the t-shirt and capris in favor of something more Easter...country style.

Eyelet lace on a fun white country style sundress with a cropped denim jacket, boots and a bright, cheery scarf. What a fun way to spend Easter!

Here is some of the detail on the bodice of the dress. I'm a fan of little touches, so the buttons on the jacket really make me happy...they FEEL country!

I busted out my favorite blue earrings to complement the scarf. So much fun!

Thanks for sharing all of your fashion with me this week, ladies, and for all of your loving comments. You're the best!!!

Saturday spring fashion!!!!

2010-04-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, the PBR was GREAT! We got to head into the arena and backstage afterward, thanks to our friend, Clayton, who produces the show. SO MUCH FUN!!! And I got pictures with some good-looking riders :) I joked to my friend, Suzanne, that it was the largest gathering of attractive men I've seen since moving to Mississippi. Go PBR!

Today I had a few things on my list: manicure, lunch, scoping stores for kid's church supplies, and working on some freelance editing. I needed an outfit that would go easily all those places, and I think I found it!!!

I love the gathers on the shirt, and pink shoes rock!

Finishing touch: a big bead necklace. So fun!

Top - Cato
Denim Skirt - Mervyn's (RIP)
Shoes - ?
Leggings - Forever 21
Bead Necklace - Kohl's

Also, I just found out that I had TWO submissions accepted to the National Communication Association conference in November. San Francisco, here I come!!!

Friday already?

2010-04-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it's already Friday and spring fashion week is quickly coming to a close. I am writing this post reallyreally quickly because I'm about to head off to the beach in Waveland to watch a friend do some kite surfing and to work on getting a little more color. Don't worry, I ALWAYS use sunscreen!

Later tonight, I'll be headed over to New Orleans to see the PBR! I am so excited I could just squeal! Because of these two very fun events, I have two very fun outfits and have snapped pics of them both! It's like a great two-for-one deal: one post, two fun springtime ensembles, albeit from very different genres.

Beach first:

I got this top a few days ago in New Orleans, and it's so fun and cheery! This and the cardigan I wore yesterday are the only two yellow pieces I have. The sarong I purchased in Hawaii several years ago, and I love busting it out when the weather gets warm!

I love the blingy details on the top, and it went perfectly with the yellow hibiscus on the sarong! I have a pair of denim shorts underneath, but you can't see them.

Of course, for the beach you HAVE to do a ponytail, and I did...just differently. I chose wood earrings to contrast with the bright shirt and play up the minimal brown accents in the skirt.

And no beach outfit would be complete without a simple, durable pair of flip flops!

Top & cami - Lane Bryant
Sarong - ?
Shorts - Lane Bryant
Flip flops - OP
Earrings - Cato

Now, on to the rodeo...

I love prints that feel western, and this top is just perfect...western feel without being button-up plaid! I also love that it combines black and brown, one of my favorite combos!

You also HAVE to have a good pair of boots. A friend gave me these a couple of years ago, and I've kept them nicer than my Ariats. I wait to wear these when I'm going someplace "nicer." I think the PBR qualifies!

And here are the finishing touches: black chandelier earrings and a simple sparkly black necklace that I hooked in front to make it look kind of like a bolo tie. So fun!

Top - Cato
Earrings - ?
Necklace - ?
Boots - Wrangler
Boot-cut jeans - Lane Bryant

See you ladies again soon, AFTER I've spent some time amongst the..."ropes and the reins and the joy and the pain, and they call the thing RODEOOOOOOOOOO!"

Spring Fashion Thursday

2010-04-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight, the Farmer's Market in Hattiesburg kicks off, which warrants a super special ensemble. It is also a beautiful, warm, sunny day, so I wanted my outfit to reflect the soft, lovely vestiges of spring that I see popping up everywhere.

I got this cardigan a couple of weeks ago. It was one of my first Mississippi clothing purchases, and it was well worth it! It reminds me of sunshine and daffodils-perfect for spring!

This linen top was a summertime buy, but I was ready to get it out of the closet now! It ties on one side with a white ribbon, and the tiered layers of fabric are soft and flattering.

I wanted to continue with the spring colors, so blue circle earrings seemed to be a good fit. With a cardigan and wedges, I felt like a semi-50's hairstyle would work. Simple and sweet.

Of course, no springtime outfit would be complete without the perfect pair of shoes! I LOVE these wedges, with their blue and green floral print, and they are so comfortable! Great for perusing the farmer's market!

Cardigan - Kato
Top - Lane Bryant
Earrings - ?
Necklace - ?
Floral print wedges - Target
Bermuda shorts - Lane Bryant

Happy spring fashion, ladies! When you see me next, I will have been stuffed to the gills with fresh produce. I can't wait!!!

*Addendum - I apologize sincerely for the typographical error on the link from Emery's blog. Clearly, it should have read "It's springtime in Mississippi." I somehow missed the apostrophe in "It's" on the link, and I am sorely ashamed of myself. Deepest apologies.

Spring Fashion Wednesday

2010-03-31T14:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a busy day today has been! I went to the job fair at JCJC (which was a bust), went to Lee's for some hangout/work time and then headed home to take some pics for Spring Fashion Week.

I am lucky enough to have a friend who enjoys photography but doesn't have a nice camera, so I persuaded him to take some fun outdoor pictures for today's post. I was getting really tired of using the 10-second timer in my bedroom. So limiting!

Today was a beautiful Mississippi spring day and we had a LOT of fun taking pictures. My little friend Samuel even jumped in for one of the pictures!

Today's outfit had to be interview appropriate because of the job fair, but I also wanted to incorporate some fun colors and enjoy the nice weather.

I chose to pair a safari jacket with a graphic print dress, blue iridescent earrings, and the fun shoes that I wore on Monday.

I love accessorizing, and these earrings were just perfect! They picked up the sunlight and added some pop to the outfit. I got them for only $3.99! Can you believe it!?

The jacket opens so that you can see the detail of the dress; I love the empire waistline and gathering at the bust. So cute!

Here is my friend Samuel, who zipped over on his scooter and asked to be part of the shoot. Of course, I had to oblige! How could you resist that face?

Another feature of this outfit I love is the fun detail in the jacket: oversized buttons, a little oomph in the sleeves, and the belt that ties in front.

And because I love the earrings so much, I just had to include this one!

Safari Jacket - Gitano
Dress - Ross
Shoes - Madden Girl
Earrings - Cato

Thanks, Ben, for humoring me and taking such great pics! You rock!

Spring Fashion Week: Day 2

2010-03-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I drove to New Orleans, only to watch the Lakers LOSE to the Hornets. Sad. However, Spring Fashion Week is still going strong. Happy!

What would spring be without flowy shirts, colorful ballet flats, and prints and hairstyles that pay homage to times gone past? It would be awfully sad, that's for sure. So today I have attempted to pay fashion tribute to all of these things, that I so dearly love.

I got this shirt at Lane Bryant last summer. It quickly became a favorite because (1) I love the colors, (2) it's very forgiving, and (3) it's uber comfortable. It also makes me feel a little like a hippie, which is always fun.

These super-amazing shoes I found at Target, and they are possibly my favorite shoes EVER. I love the braided looking detail and the bright, cheery color.

Also, I heard that braids were making a comeback, so I decided to engage in some experimentation. It's been awhile since my hair was long enough to braid like this. Yay!

In summary:
Top - Lane Bryant
Cami - Lane Bryant
Jeans - Kohl's
Shoes - Target
Earrings - ???
Hair - Jesus

Spring fashion week take 1

2010-03-29T11:03:00.001-07:00

I've never tried something like this before, but I love clothes and I love
spring, so I'm joining Emery's spring fashion week!
It works like this: post a pic of your spring fashion wear each day this week and post a link to Emery's blog. I think there may be a drawing where a winner gets a prize.
Yay, prizes!

Here is my first attempt:

Things I love: the shoes (Madden Girl), the necklace (forever 21) and the forgiving nature of leggings (also forever 21). I got this skirt forever ago, I think at Gottschalks, and I love the print. I usually dress it up for church or such, but decided it would be even more fun to wear dressed down with a denim jacket.

In other news: I'm going to watch the Lakers play in New Orleans tonight. Woohoo!!!!

2009-11-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

I've always hated conflict. Confrontation scares me. So the idea of approaching someone who is confrontational in order to manage a conflict straight up freaks me out. But that is what I have to do tomorrow: I have to confront a fellow manager in order to successfully manage a particularly difficult conflict. Oy.

It would be so much easier to "get it off of my chest" by complaining to fellow employees, managers, etc. But the Bible clearly states that if we have grievances against each other, we must approach each other in love to try and resolve the issue. The only problem is that this is SUCH a scary thing for me. I think that this is because growing up, confrontation and conflict resolution always happened in a very heated, defensive manner.

Now I'm not saying that it's not good to seek counsel, because wise counsel can be a good, good thing! The line gets crossed, though, when we move from truly seeking counsel to gossiping about an issue. The line there is so thin, the shift is so subtle, but the change in heart is so obvious. It is when we move from desiring to solve an issue in love to condemning out of self-righteousness. And self-righteousness, condemnation, and gossip are three dark, twisty things that I have been DESPERATELY trying to root out of my life.

So I have to face my fear. I have to confront the conflict, head-on. In love. Being as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. It's a delicate dance between kindness and cunning that's terribly tricky, but I'm going to try. Because I know that if I don't, I'll wish I had. And I know that if I do, my efforts will be blessed.

2009-07-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

I feel as though each time I revisit this page, it's with a word of apology because I have spent so long away from it. But I can't apologize this time, because there is SO MUCH I have been accomplishing lately that I can't even begin to feel bad about not blogging. I think perhaps I'm beginning to feel really, truly comfortable in my own skin, which helps me feel as though my contributions to the blogosphere, few and far between though they may be, are enough.

Right now I'm sitting in Mojo Coffee in Goleta, taking a short break from my thesis. Working on my thesis this past week and a half, while living with my aunt, uncle, and cousins, has given me some real insight into what it takes to accomplish a big goal. At first it felt insurmountable. But now, as I've been working on my thesis, chipping away at it bit by bit, it feels completely under control. And I've come to realize the deep truth of that timeless question and its accompanying answer: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Truly, each time I have made the choice to sit down and work, I've felt like I'm taking a bite of my elephantine thesis. And each time I walk away, I feel as though I can see it getting smaller, more manageable, and I can see the end in sight. It strikes me how this is so true of every goal we try to accomplish in life: the only way to manage a dream or goal the size of an elephant is to take one bite, one step, at a time.

I think this is true of relationships, too, and especially my relationship with God. I can't expect to "feel" like I know God all at once. It comes from little choices along the way, little steps taken in an attempt to get closer to Him. Each small step taken is one step closer than we were before, and nothing can take that progress away. The beautiful thing about God is that He honors each step we have taken toward Him. We never have to try to "get back to where we were before." We just have to make the choice to continue our journey toward Him, take a few more steps, and we suddenly realize that we already are right where we were before.

So just like the work I've done on my thesis, I'm going to keep on picking up where I left off before, trusting that Jesus will honor me as I keep tottering toward Him like a baby learning how to walk. And eventually, as I keep on keeping on, those steps will get stronger until I find that I'm walking with God, not toward Him, with the sure steps of a seasoned traveler. And the God that I wanted so badly to know? I'll find that He is no longer an abstraction, but closest friend, walking step by step with me down life's winding road.

I've lost a friend...and I don't know why.

2009-05-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I can handle. There are a lot of things I probably put up with that I shouldn't. But one thing that absolutely KILLS me is being spoken to in a disrespectful manner, and for me, that includes having curse words directed at me.

Now, I don't mean to say that I can't handle the odd expletive tossed in a conversation in the heat of the moment. I can, and a lot of my friends do. But when someone systematically curses about me, my thoughts, my actions, or at me, I just shut down. At that point, I can't even HEAR the person because the cursing is so painful for me to hear.

I have a friend who chooses to curse. I have handled it just fine over the past two years that I've known this person. But he never cursed regarding ME until just recently, and when I asked him not to, he blew a gasket.

"I will not be censored," he said, as if I were trying to strip him of his right to free expression. That's fine. Express yourself all you want, but don't expect me to listen when the object of your curse words are me, my thoughts, and my actions.

Why is cursing so important to some people? Have I seriously just lost a friend because the right to curse is more important than a friendship of two years? And more disturbing to me is this: Have I been so blind as to not see this person's true colors these past two years? Have I really not seen the part of him that finds it acceptable to repeatedly hurt a friend by using language that is offensive and cutting? What does that say about ME?

I will say one thing: I'm going to be much more careful now about the people I share with, the people I let into the deep parts of my life. Because finding out that the person who you thought was your friend is actually capable of scrapping an entire friendship because he values cursing over you is almost too much to handle.

Tagged

2009-04-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

My friend, Katie just tagged me in her blog to photograph myself, just as I am right now. No primping, no lip glossing, and as Emery says, no bump-it.

This is what I look like first thing in the morning. Amazingly, I don't look like a terrifying, sleepy beast even though I have yet to drink my coffee.

In return, I tag the following people:

Happy picture taking!

Jamie's story

2009-04-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

This evening, my father drunkenly asked me if I would go with him to my sister, Jamie's 30th birthday party. Normally, this wouldn't be a strange question. But my older sister, Jamie (who practically no one knows about) has been dead since before I was born.

Nearly thirty years ago, my parents had their first child, a beautiful little girl with large grey eyes and perfectly porcelain skin. About six months later, she was brutally ripped from their lives. The circumstances surrounding her death are somewhat cloudy. My mother swears that she doesn't remember exactly how she lost control of the car. My father, however, is absolutely certain that my mom had a seizure while driving. This, he explains, is how their beater car wound up skidding across the lanes of the freeway, northbound on highway 101 just after it crested the grade. This is how the car became wrapped around a giant oak tree that no longer stands there. And this is how my older sister died: a precious new life stopped in its tracks with a sick thud that left the windshield cracked and my parents' hearts forever shattered.

I don't think my mom and dad have ever fully recovered from the loss of their first child. My dad still boils over with anger when he talks about it, but only when he has been drinking. In the absence of alcohol, Jamie is bottled tightly inside, a memory best left hidden in the darkest corners of his mind. I think that this is why my dad has always struggled with alcohol, because it provides him with the release he needs to talk about Jamie freely: her life, her death, and the guilt that has followed him this thirty years.

My mom never talks about Jamie. Then again, she never drinks. Where my dad has found at least some manner of dealing with the loss of his first child (unhealthy though it may be), my mother has found none. Instead, she keeps Jamie tightly wound inside of her, along with the guilt she feels regarding Jamie's death. I'm not sure that she would ever admit to the guilt she carries, but it has poisoned every aspect of her life, including her relationships, her business dealings, and even her desire to be a woman. When she lost Jamie, a switch was flipped off and everything that could have been my mother was turned off as well. Where there was once an easy smile there is now an uncertain grimace, where there was energy and excitement now there is forced motion, and where a mother's giving heart once existed there now exists a gaping hole of need.

Given the circumstances of Jamie's death, I can't really blame my parents for their reactions. My dad was unable to protect the first life he had a hand in creating, and my mother's unwise decisions on that day have defined her entire life. I know that my dad blames my mother for Jamie's death, and although she has never said as much, I know that she blames herself. I know this because Jamie was riding in a friend's lap instead of a car seat. I know this because immediately after the accident, my mother in her hysteria admitted to having a seizure while driving (which she later recanted in hopes of keeping her license). And while she may try to put on a good show for me and the rest of the family, no mother could ever absolve herself of two such deadly mistakes.

The irreparable rift created the day of Jamie's death was like a fault line, and my parents were the tectonic plates: although there was no immediate quake, the pressure built between them over the years until something had to give. That something was my parents' marriage. After having three more children they divorced in 1994. The official reason for the divorce was infidelity on my father's part. But I know that they had already been unfaithful to each other for years, each having a torrid affair with the guilt that they put on themselves and each other, loving and encouraging the it until their shame and blaming was more important to them than the love they had for each other or their children.

Thirty years later, my dad is finally ready to visit Jamie's grave. "A party," I ask him, "You want to give Jamie a party?"

"Not a party," my dad admits. "I just want to be there, to see her. I wanted to go for her 21st birthday, but it hurt too bad. I don't want to miss this one. Will you come with me?"

I assure my dad that I will be there with him on April 28th to visit my dead sister's grave. He is overly grateful and kisses my hand over and over, refusing to let it go. He is also drunk.

While part of me is glad that he wants to do this, that he wants to move forward, another more cynical part of me wonders how long this newfound desire will last. Probably until his buzz wears off and Jamie is safely corked inside again, along with the guilt, the shattered dreams and the anger he has carried this past thirty years. Then again, maybe not.

Feeling the burn

2009-02-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

The other day, I went to Equilibrium Fitness to see what their pricing was like. The woman at the front desk asked me a couple of questions, and here's what followed:

EQ Employee: So what kind of exercise are you doing now?

Me: I hike a few times a week and go on walks.

EQ Employee: Are you doing any kind of resistance training?

Me: Well, I usually hike up hills, if that counts.

EQ Employee: Well, you know, if you don't do any resistance training, you're not going to get any results.

Me: Well, I'm just not sure that I can afford one of your memberships, but thanks for the info.

EQ Employee: Well, it's all about where your priorities are.

Me: I just don't think I'd be able to afford my rent if I got a membership.

EQ Employee: You just need to re-evaluate your priorities. I'm sure you could fit it in. And a lot of people here have trouble being motivated to work out alone. We could help you with that.

Seriously? Seriously. Was this woman even LISTENING to me? It's really frustrating to be exercising consistently, eating well, and changing your lifestyle, only to have some high and mighty gym employee tell you that what you're doing isn't good enough. What a crock.

As a result of my conversation, I decided to do a little research on working out outside instead of working out in a gym. Here are the pros and cons I discovered (besides the pros from working out in general):

Gym Pros - social interaction, all-weather availability, classes available, option of personal trainer.

Hiking Pros - decreased depression (b/c of the sun's vitamin D), more muscle groups worked (b/c hiking on uneven ground means you're constantly re-balancing, getting to muscles that machines don't work), more calories burned (hiking vs. treadmill), encountering the beauty of the outdoors, promotes deep sleep, promotes mental health & stimulation, FREE!

Gym Cons - icky smells, rude people, overcrowding, lack of equipment availability, costs $$.

Hiking Cons - lack of control over weather, potential to encounter wild animals, going alone could be dangerous.

When I look at the pros and cons in these lists, one of the things that stands out to me is that hiking is more than just exercise, it is an ADVENTURE. People were not intended to be stuffed inside a smelly, crowded building in order to get the proper exercise. We were made to enjoy the great outdoors and all it has to offer!

An added bonus for me is the connection I feel with God when I go on a hike. Something about being outdoors and seeing the beauty that God has created makes my heart leap in worship. I go outside, turn on my iPod to my worship playlist and get my exercise and worship all at once!

Additionally, there are other exercises that can be done outside besides hiking. On a flat area of the hike, try adding some lunges. Or once you get to a grassy plain, stop for a series of push-ups. You can also increase your exercise quotient by alternating jogging and speed-walking (which I did this morning).

Another interesting scenario: This week on "The Biggest Loser," only two of the duos were allowed access to the gym. Everyone else had to work out in the outdoors. Interestingly enough, the eliminated person was from one of the teams that had access to the gym. The contestants who worked out outside mentioned a few times that they were working "muscles I didn't know I had." There was also mention of how nice it was to be outside, breathing the fresh air.

Bottom line: You don't need a gym to work out. We have everything we need if we only use our bodies, our brains, and the amazing creation God has given us!

That being said, here are some pictures from my hike up Madonna Mountain (aka Cerro San Luis) yesterday:

Yes, I conquered THIS mountain!

Parts of the hike were daunting..

...but I made it to the top!

What a view!

Dear Jesus

2009-02-08T00:43:00.000-08:00

Today was Carson's first birthday party. I am constantly amazed at the gift you have given me and my family in Carson. He is a beautiful, healthy little boy, and he seems to accomplish new things every day. I'm proud to be his aunt.

It was so good to be with family and friends today, to celebrate the first year of Carson's life, to have a house full of people dedicated to watching him toddle around the yard and throw a ball. It was simultaneously adorable and sad to watch him get frustrated and cry just as it was time to open his gifts. And I almost died of cuteness overload, watching him eat the little cake I baked just for him, wearing nothing but his diaper. It was such a treat, getting to be the official baker of his very first birthday cake!

But today was a hard day, too. It's hard to say this, because today should have been filled with joy. It was a hard day because I was reminded over and over of the dysfunction in my family, and especially in my relationship with my mom.

Lord, you know how things normally operate: that I am the "fixer." You also know how I've been struggling to get out of this role, to let the people in my family deal with problems in a healthy way instead of making excuses for them. You have told me that it is more important to be the truth bringer than the peacemaker. But this is hard.

Things haven't been right with mom for a long time, but I've never understood until now just how wrong things are. I felt like I was hurting her, Jesus, even though I didn't do anything wrong. Why? Was it because I didn't spend my entire time making sure that she felt comfortable and included, like I normally do? Or was it because she knows that things are wrong and doesn't know how to make them right?

I have tried to make her understand that her choices have hurt me deeply, but I feel like she doesn't want to acknowledge the impact she has had on my life. The people she brought into our home, the lack of support, the constant attitude of victimization, the lack of faith in our home, are all things that I have been trying to overcome. Although I feel like I've made good progress, just being in the same room as her and seeing her awkwardness and her aloneness, and the constant accusation in her eyes make me feel like I haven't moved forward even a centimeter.

And when I read the beautiful, moving tributes that other moms write to their children, I begin to feel bitter. I begin to want to accuse her, for not providing the home grounded in faith that I needed. For bringing unsafe people into our home. For not believing me. For not caring about what happened. For housing the very person who hurt me. For trying to make me hate my father. For teaching me how to be a victim rather than how to be a survivor. For not being the kind of mom that I needed.

I am so raw inside right now, Jesus. My heart feels like it's been thrown out of a moving vehicle and is covered with emotional road rash. I need healing for what has happened, and for what continues to happen in my mom's response to me. I need hope for the road ahead, that You will continue the work you've begun in my family.

Help me to remember the good things that You have done, so that I'm not overwhelmed by the bad. Help me to claim Your promise that all things work together for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. Help me to understand what it means when You say that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived the good things You have prepared for those who love You.

I am waiting in Your promises, Lord. I am trusting that You will show me how to act, how to love, how to forgive. I am choosing to believe You when You tell me that Your eyes will be on me when my hope is in Your unfailing love.

The beam in my eye

2009-02-04T23:40:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a touch convicted right now. You see, I've been indulging in a bit of anger, and while it may have been justified for a short time, I've been wallowing in it. And during the time I've spent rolling around in the squishy mud of my anger, God has spoken.

Let me explain: I have a saddle. Technically, the saddle does not belong to me, it belongs to my mother. However, over the summer I started riding again. Since my mother wasn't using the saddle (it had fallen into sad disrepair after the tack room was the unfortunate victim of a fallen oak tree during a massive storm), she let me take it to see if I could fix it up and make it usable. After considerable expense and effort, I had restored the saddle to riding condition. It took a lot of work: seemingly unceasing cleaning, oiling, buffing, etc. In addition, I had to purchase a new latigo and cinch for the saddle because the cinch was missing and the existing latigo was rotten.

Fast forward seven months: I receive a text message from my mom that she wants her saddle back. Why? I am unsure. She doesn't ride anymore, and at this point I felt that the saddle had become my property. I felt especially strong on this point because had I not taken possession of the saddle and fixed it up, by this time it probably would have been beyond repair. I was mad. Really mad. So I didn't respond to the text.

The source of contention

A couple of days ago I received another text message, from my mom's friend, wanting to know if I have the saddle, because my mother offered it to her for a trail ride, and could I please drop it off at her house? This only made me madder: not only did my mom want to reclaim the saddle I had worked so hard on, but now that I had made it usable, she was offering its use to other people without considering my feelings. This made me very, very ANGRY.

Tonight, while thinking about the saddle (doing a bit more wallowing), I got to thinking: does God ever feel the same way about us? How often do we ask Him to fix us up, thinking we're not fit for anything, only to try and use lives for our own means now that He has made us useful? I know that I have done this time and again, although I'm so dull-headed and slow to listen to the Holy Spirit that I often don't realize that I've done this until it's too late.

The Lord has every right to resent me for this, but still He chooses to love me. Still, He patiently asks me when I will be finished running headlong down the tumultuous path I've chosen for myself and instead allow Him to guide my steps. I am amazed once more at the mercy of this Savior, who bears with my faults and calmly points out the contradictions in my carefully crafted arguments, making me realize that I have not yet learned the true meaning of grace.

So while I might be justified in calling the saddle my own, I'm going to try and take a step back. I'm going to try and practice a bit of the patience and grace that God has shown me. I'm going to do some work on that beam in my own eye, and trust my Father in heaven to take care of the rest.

Great argumentation activity

2009-02-03T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today I came up with what I think is an engaging, fun, thought-provoking activity for an argumentation class. I did this activity in class today as a bridge between evaluating & creating syllogisms & enthymemes, and identifying arguments in a passage. I call it "Argument Boggle".

Supplies needed:

1. Monty Python's Holy Grail (you'll want the "witch" clip, available on youtube or here).
2. Permanent markers (4-6)
3. 1 self-stick easel pad (the Office Depot ones are cheaper than those made by Post-it)

Instructions:

1. Get the "witch" clip from Monty Python's Holy Grail and have the students watch it once (to get the giggles out).
2. Divide the class into teams of three, and give each team a poster and marker.
3. Have the class watch the clip again, but this time have them watch for arguments that take place during the passage. Instruct the teams to write down the arguments as they see them occur. Encourage each team to write down as many arguments as possible.
4. Once the clip has ended, give the groups a couple of minutes to complete the arguments they have written down.
5. Have each group share the arguments they saw, and encourage the class to make a fuss if the group lists isolated claims or things instead of arguments. The goal here is to get the students to separate actual arguments from assertions.
6. As each group shares the arguments they saw, have the other groups identify whether they wrote down the same argument (similar to Boggle, where you cross out words that the other players also wrote down). If any other group has the same argument, everyone crosses it off of their list.
7. The group with the most remaining "unique" arguments is the winner. You can choose to give them a "prize" or not (my class is somewhat extrinsically motivated, so this works for them, whereas it would not work with other classes I teach).

Questions for consideration:

- What kinds of syllogisms did you notice in the clip?
- If you were to reconstruct a syllogism from one of your arguments, where would you start? Would it be valid? Sound?
**This presents a great transition point to discuss the importance of soundness to an argument, since many of the arguments made in the clip could be logically valid but are completely nonsensical.
- What was the quality of the arguments that you saw? Good? Bad? Why?
- How could you make one of these arguments stronger?

Stronger than you know...

2009-02-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel so weak and small, like I could never accomplish anything big, anything of value. But then God surprises me and shows me that through Him, I can do great things. He shows me that in Him, I am stronger than I could ever imagine. Case in point: yesterday's hike.

I decided to boycott the Superbowl and spend the day outside, worshiping God and checking out some of the hikes in the Irish Hills area behind my house. I began at the Bog Thistle Nature Trail and wound up the hill. The trail was narrow and times, and very steep. There were rocks in the way that threatened to keep me from climbing the hill. With my trusty worship tunes cranked up, and a prayer in my heart, I somehow managed to make it to the top of the trail. When I checked my watch, I realized that I had only been hiking for fifteen minutes.

Dissatisfied with the shortness of the hike, I pressed on and began to ascend the Mariposa Trail, which I had previously avoided because it looked so steep and long. Although I was almost run over by some mountain bikers at a couple of points, I made it up the hill. Along the way I saw some beautiful sights, including the view from Durata Vista and Morro View Trail. God's creation is incomparable.

From Durata Vista you can see from Cerro San Luis to Morro Bay.

In total, I wound up hiking nearly five miles, up some steep terrain, with no one to push me or encourage me. No one, that is, except for Jesus, who was encouraging me at every step. Each time I wanted to turn around and go back down the hill, the Holy Spirit gave me renewed energy, both in mind and body, pushing me to go farther than I thought I could. As a woman who weighs over 250 lbs. and has questionable aerobic abilities, this accomplishment seemed nearly impossible. But in God's strength it was accomplished.

My hike is in black: I took Bog Thistle Trail - Mariposa Trail - Morro View Trail, with a short detour to Durata Vista.

There are other areas, too, where the Lord has been proving that His strength prevails when my own runs out. He has been restoring my spiritual relationship with my sister in a way that has been amazing to see. She has now been coming to church with me for over a month, and her faith is growing exponentially. She has been sharing the God's goodness with her friends, fellow cheerleaders, and roommates.

I've been asking God for something like this to happen for years. But for years, I've been trying to "make" my sister want a relationship with God on my terms, rather than allowing Him to reach my sister on His terms. And when I finally decided to let go and trust God, He brought Becky back to Him. So you see: In God's strength, amazing things can be accomplished. It's when I rely too much on my own strength that I stumble and fall. I've got to work on letting Jesus be my strength more often.

Open for business

2009-02-01T10:50:00.001-08:00

This post serves as the re-opening of this blog in a new season! This page has been silent long enough; there are things to be said, and I'm a-gonna say 'em!

It's been an entire semester now that I have been an instructor at Cuesta. Last semester was difficult, to say the least. I took on four courses, a part-time job as the asst. manager at the portrait studio, and was living alone in Atascadero. I don't know how, but I survived. Correction: I know how I survived, and it was only by the grace of God.

Things are different now: I live in SLO again with five amazing roommates, I am teaching only three courses this semester, I now have a home church that is challenging me to go deeper and farther in my faith, and I have resolved that this is the year that I will learn how to thrive. So much of my life has been spent just "getting by." This is a lesson I learned from my mother. Growing up, we were always just scraping by, just on the verge of a family meltdown, just barely involved at church, but not quite. We knew how to survive, and nothing more.

In these past two years, I have become painfully unaware that I don't know how to thrive, to live with real freedom and abandon, with confidence that my Father in heaven has it covered. From my finances, to my home life, to my relationships, I never really felt I deserved more than just "getting by." But God is faithful, and He has been tugging at my heart, tempting me with little snippets of what life could be like, gently whispering in my ear "There's more! Come and see!" And I desperately, desperately want to see just what living in the "more" would be like.

One of the things that's always driven me to worship God is His creation. So a couple of weeks ago, I got a book of SLO County day hikes and resolved to complete at least one hike every week. The first week my roommate, Erica, and I, hiked around Dairy Creek Golf Course. It was beautiful. You can see some of the images from that hike here.

This last week, I got an even better opportunity to hike alone, with my thoughts and the Lord. I chose to take on Lemon Grove Loop, which goes around the south-ish face of Madonna Mountain (aka Cerro San Luis ). The beginning of the hike was rough. I wanted to get back in my car and pick up a frozen yogurt instead. But I had my worship music going on my ipod, and something in my heart refused to quit, despite the pain in my feet. I heard that voice again, telling me "This will be worth it, but you have to endure a little to get there. Just a little farther. This will be worth it." So I pushed on.

As I continued, the hike seemed to get easier. Not because the incline was less, or that there were less rocks along the way, but because something clicked inside of me, and I realized that I COULD do it, I COULD conquer the mountain, so to speak. Suddenly before me was a majestic eucalyptus grove, and on the other side of the grove, a panoramic view of San Luis Obispo. I could see my city as God sees it, nestled among the hills.

Standing on the side of that hill, I suddenly felt so SMALL. I found myself remembering all of the times I've passed the hike from the freeway, looking to see if there were any hikers on the trail. I've never seen one. And during those times, all that was in my view was the mountain. God, though, He sees EVERYTHING. In his view is more than SLO, more than California, more than even the world. He sees everything. And despite this fact, he doesn't miss a single hiker on the side of Madonna. Despite the magnificence that could occupy His view, He chooses to see ME.

I am in awe of our Creator. Even more breathtaking than the world he has chosen to create is His vast, vast love for us. For me. And so, this year, I have decided to thrive. To live in the love of my father God. These are the chronicles of that journey, as my hopeful heart traverses a sometimes stony, sometimes steep path, in search of the abundant life Jesus has promised to those who love Him.

Politics and faith

2008-10-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but there are some things that have to get out or they will drive you crazy. Right now is one of those times. I'm currently teaching four classes at Cuesta Community College and working as the assistant manager of Sears Portrait Studio. To top it all off, I'm frantically working to get my thesis done. I have to defend it before the second week of November.

I've moved back to my hometown, and I feel as though I can't go anywhere without seeing a "Yes on 8" sign. This is a very tough issue, because I think that the constitution affords people the right to have freedom of religion, even if that means no religion, and even if that means following a slightly different set of moral guidelines than I would myself. Based on that premise, I have a very difficult time supporting legislation that would effectively mandate that someone abide my my definition of marriage, even though they don't have the same religious beliefs as me. I'm praying and studying on this issue, and as of now I don't feel right voting yes on 8. And honestly, I don't think I ever will.

Right now is definitely a trying time for me. I don't see things eye to eye with a lot of my "small town" Christian friends, and I've been downright offended by some of the politically charged sermons I've heard down here. It's amazing that whenever people talk about Christianity and politics, it's always about the law and never about Jesus.

It's interesting, but when I lived in Sacramento, I never felt judged by other Christians for my differing political beliefs. San Luis Obispo county, though, is a hotbed for the "us vs. them" mentality. Oftentimes, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut or be lumped in with the "them." It's frustrating, to say the least.

Last night I went to a college group at a church called Agape in San Luis Obispo, and it was really good. It felt great just to fellowship with other believers without having political discussions color everything we said. It was the first safe space I've encountered since moving back down here, and I even ran into one of my students! She squealed and gave me a hug...it was kind of awkward, though, b/c I'm not sure I should be hugging my students...

This summer...

2008-05-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

...I will not be having fun. At all. Ok, maybe that's a little bit dramatic. I will have fun, but it will be tempered with hard work. This will not at all be the "last crazy summer before work starts" that I imagined. And it's all my fault.

You seen, I brilliantly decided to have a more relaxed last semester and write my thesis over the summer. Consequently, I have to write my thesis...all summer long. And in order to keep the teaching jobs I so amazingly managed to acquire, I have to finish my thesis before the fall term starts. :(

So this summer, I will not be having all the fun I had intended on having. I will be writing. And writing. And writing. The pressure is on, I HAVE to finish. Please, God, help me finish!

What I wish I were doing:

What I will be doing:

I've graduated! (kind of)

2008-05-24T21:32:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the commencement ceremony for CSU Sacramento, and I got to walk! The whole experience was amazing and overwhelming, all at once. I participated in commencement with my friends, Michael, Lisa, and Nicole. Out of the four of us, only one was really done...Nicole. The rest of us have finished our coursework but will be working on our theses over the summer.
That means that although I've "graduated" and gotten some job offers, I still have a summer full of work ahead.

Commencement was at Arco Arena, home of the Sacramento Kings. My dad and sister came, and being that they are hard-core Laker fans, I think their skin was crawling a little. However, there were some serious perks to having graduation at the arena, the biggest being that we were inside an air-conditioned building (score!). There was also plenty of seating, and they had cameras all over the place, putting people on the "jumbo-tron" screens hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the arena.

All of the master's students got to go first, and since Communication Studies is alphabetically the second major at Sac State, we were among the very first people to walk. I think I was the fifth person to go overall. I definitely sat in the front row :) The procession went like this:
1. Walk up to a professor and take a picture being "hooded"
2. Take a picture in front of the CA & US flags
3. Take a picture in front of the Sac State Seal
4. Take a picture getting your "diploma" and shaking the hand of some Sac State bigwig
5. Go sit down

Funny thing: in the past, the Master's students have hooded each other, rather than being hooded by an actual faculty member. So my advisor and I came up with a plan that if the students were hooding each other again, we would simply walk out to the front corner and he would hood me himself. Luckily, that didn't have to happen. I get really nervous about breaking rules.

Since we went first, my friends and I had the pleasure of zoning out for the rest of the commencement, which lasted about two hours total. Afterward, we went outside and took pictures with each other, family, and faculty members. It was an amazingly fun experience. So fun, in fact, that I'm going to do it all over again in the fall. Also because, for some reason, the commencement program didn't have my name in it. I really need a program that lists me as getting a Master's degree!!!!

Me and Michele, one of my committee members. She is going to be awesome enough to read through the drafts of my thesis this summer so that I can finish up and keep my jobs :)

A new chapter

2008-05-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I had my last class as a student. Ever. I had worked so hard to finish everything up that I didn't realize what was happening until it was almost over. Yesterday I received a call from the human resources department at Cuesta College and was told that they have approved equivalency for me so that I can finish my thesis over the summer and start teaching courses in the fall. And in just over a week, I will go through the commencement ceremony for my master's degree.

It's just started to hit me that a chapter of my life is closing. And although there have been parts of this time that I've desperately wanted to end, I'm starting to feel a bit melancholy about leaving this place, these people, for good. Don't get me wrong, I still am not a fan of living in Sacramento, and there are definitely people here that I will be glad to escape. Despite that, though, I can see good things as I look back.

By moving here I really became and independent person, free from the strictures and emotional trappings of my family. I know that because I left for a time, I'm now much healthier emotionally and will be able to deal with them in a much more productive way.

(I went to fun conferences)

By moving here I also got the chance to meet some wonderful people: my church family, the office staff at school, my committee, and even some fellow students. I will miss them. I will also definitely miss my times hanging out with my old roommates, Amy and Laura. Amy and I have had lots of good times exploring along the river and playing with the ponies. I'm going to miss that.

(I went to the Rivercats Game and all kinds of fun places with Janna)

By moving here I was able to become part of an amazing volunteer opportunity, Saddle Pals. This organization provides therapeutic horseback riding for people with special needs. In volunteering there I've gotten the opportunity to rediscover my love of horses and see how they can be used to help others. What an amazing organization!

So all in all, there are some things about Sacramento that I'm going to miss. I wish I would have done things differently: volunteered sooner, explored the river more, taken more time to be outside and appreciate the beauty of the foothills. But I guess that's one of the things that happens when you get busy and wrapped up in yourself: you forget to recognize the beauty around you.

(I got to work in a building that looks like a spaceship)

Everything right now is reminding me of a song by Trace Adkins:
"You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back,
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times, so take a good look around,
You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

(I got to experience the beauty of Sacramento in the fall)

So, Sacramento, I'm going to miss you despite myself. But here is my pledge:
I am going to enter this new chapter of my life determined to appreciate what I have no matter what the circumstances or how busy I get, because I know that one day I will be able to look back and see just how wonderful it was.

Yes, I'm going to miss this, but I'm excited about the future, too!

I couldn't help myself...

2008-05-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is TOTALLY what I've been going through lately. In fact, last night I was up working on a paper until 4a.m. Tonight may be the night of the all-nighter and subsequent crash. I can't wait until summer so that I have the chance to "re-set." Teehee.

Katie and me

2008-05-12T16:05:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, I had a job interview at Cuesta. The outcome was that they want to give me a job teaching (hooray!) as long as I finish my thesis over the summer. After the stress and craziness of the interview, I reallyreally needed to relax. Nothing relaxes me like busting out my camera, so we decided to do a little re-shoot for Katie's senior pictures. Rene also took charge and got a few shots of me for my graduation announcements.
Take a peek :)

It's Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

In honor of mother's day, and because I ran out of money and couldn't buy anything, I rallied my rudimentary video-making skills and created a fun video for my "other mom," Rene. I got the idea from a video that Chris made for Emery a year or so ago. Rene said she's never gotten anything like it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it :)
Take a look!

Distraction

2008-05-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

I am bored. I have a term paper and half of a thesis to write, and I'm unable to focus because I'm bored. It seems like at this point things should be easier. I mean, this is my fourth and final semester of grad school, and I've been able to get all of my work done before. So why is it that now, when I'm so close to finishing, I can't seem to put my nose to the grindstone and write the papers?

I blame senioritis. The weather is warm, the semester is almost over, and the beautiful beaches of SLO county are beckoning me back to them. I can't wait for this semester to be over so that I can move back down south and spend some time relaxing. Ah, relaxation. Only two more weeks. I can do it...I hope ;)

CMT does it again

2008-05-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

I have just found a new favorite show. CMT, the creative force behind such television gems as "Trading Spouses" and "Can You Duet" has come up with a new show. This is seriously the TV program to put all other TV programs to shame.

"My Big Redneck Wedding" is a show hosted by Tom Arnold that follows a redneck couple in the weeks leading up to their wedding. Right now I am watching "Gail and John" who have decided to decorate their wedding with an archway made of beer cans (their flower arrangements are also in Budweiser cans). Their wedding is in a swap meet and the groom proposed by peeing "will you marry me?" in front of their car. I am ROLLING!

Here's a sneak peek of the groom's vows:
"I wish I could put your love in a locket 'cause you're hotter than a hot pocket. We did it in the back of the car, we did it in the zoo. I don't care where we do it as long as I'm with you."

This is so good it's almost DVD-worthy. I'm contemplating recording some episodes to show if my graduation party gets dull. Check it out!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

2008-05-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today is the fifth of may, which means that literally hundreds of thousands of people are celebrating with tequila, dos equis, and any other fun Mexican alcohol they can get their hands on. Today is a day of consuming yummy enchiladas, chile rellenos, and massive amounts of chips and salsa.

So in honor of this amazing day that happens to involve some of my favorite foods, I've decided to clear up a little misconception regarding cinco de Mayo.

You see, most people think that today is Mexico's independence day. Not so. Cinco de Mayo does celebrate independence for Mexico , but its actual "independence day" is September 16th. Cinco de Mayo celebrates the success of a major battle against the French:

"Under Napoleon III, French troops began at the shore and tried to make their way to Mexico City. Before they could get to the capital, they were stopped at the state of Puebla, where a major battle took place on May 5, 1862: La Batalla de Puebla.

Outnumbered and outarmed, the Mexican soldiers at Puebla, under the command of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin, managed to defeat the French forces. Ultimately, the Mexican victory at Puebla only delayed the French invasion of Mexico city, and a year later, the French occupied Mexico. But the Mexican men who fought at Puebla nonetheless defied the odds to defend its independence. Cinco de Mayo celebrates that bravery and determination, and commemorates Mexico's fight to ward off imperialist forces" (http://people.howstuffworks.com/cinco-de-mayo1.htm, retrieved 5/5/08)."

I hope this enlightens you a little more about this wonderful cerveza-drinking, enchilada-consuming day. Have a happy Cinco de Mayo, and watch out for those chiles!

Katie

2008-05-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was asked to take my friend Katie's senior pictures. We had limited time, but I think we managed to get some great shots in. Take a look!

That student...

2008-05-01T23:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone has known "that student" at one point in time. You know, the student who doesn't follow through, winds up with a bad grade, and consequently blames the instructor. I admit, I've had a crack or two at being that student and I'm willing to bet that everyone has once or twice. So when my students have one of "those days" I try my best to cut them a little grace and do my best to help them accept responsibility for their actions.

But every once in a while I get to meet a student who has made their academic career by being "that student." These types of people are horribly frustrating to deal with because no matter what you do, the student refuses to admit that he or she is in any way responsible for his or her actions. Grrr!

I had to deal with one of these students today. We'll call him Pete. Pete screwed up big time on a recent assignment and when he received his grade, he insisted that it was my fault. I had a hard time being sympathetic because he performed his assignment last and so had numerous opportunities to observe the other students performing their assignment. He also got to see an in-depth demonstration and had everything in writing. So really, there was no reason for the heinous error he made in his assignment.

No matter how many times I explained things to him, though, he refused to believe that it was his own fault and not mine. What makes matters worse is that he has a learning disability, but has not taken advantage of ANY of the resources available to him.

So I'm at an impasse. He wants a higher grade, but I feel like he should deal with the consequences of his lack of attention to the assignment parameters. However, I also feel a bit sorry for him because he is dealing with a learning disability.
What do I do? Should I bow to the desires of my guilt complex and allow him to make up some of the points? Or should I encourage him to "man up" and do better next time?

A little help, please!

Back from the dead

2008-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I'm a horrible blogger. Inconsistent. But in a way, I really like it when I'm too busy to keep up with blogs and myspace and other online things. Because that means I'm LIVING.

Most recently, I've been busy living in the world of Cortney & Jason's wedding, which took place a couple of weeks ago in Santa Margarita. It was my very first time being THE photographer at a wedding. I had a blast and I think things turned out pretty well :)

A word of advice: don't wear new boots to photograph a wedding. Not smart. Anyhow, here are some of my favorite shots of this lovely couple:

The guys...they were pretty darned hilarious. I had fun giving them a hard time.

Showdown at the OK Corral

The ladies

I <3 these two

My favorite

More coming soon!

So this is basically my life....

2008-03-17T20:35:00.001-07:00

Sad, but true.

A story

2008-03-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

In a land far far away, during a magical time called "The 80's," there lived a little girl named Allie. Allie was a happy little girl with nut brown hair who smiled easily. Alli was nearly always happy because there were so many things she liked to do. Allie loved reading books, climbing trees, and playing in the pool with her friends. Most of all, though, she loved riding horses.

Allie would ride every chance she could. When her parents would have bbq's, she would show her riding skills to their friends. When Allie's friends came over to play, she would show them how to ride bareback. When she fed the horses in the evening, Allie would climb up on her favorite horse, Lou. She loved lying down on Lou's back and looking up at the sky, listening to Lou munch contentedly on the alfalfa hay.

These were happy days for Allie. She went to horse shows almost every weekend, waking up before the sun to get to the show in time. Allie's mom would french braid her hair tight, so that no pieces were left sticking out. Then she would spray Allie's braid with Aquanet. Allie's mom said that Aquanet was the best hairspray ever, and Allie believed her. In the 80's, everyone used hairspray and everything Alli's mom said was the gospel truth.

After her mom did her hair, Allie would go out to the barn and get some hay. She put the hay into the feeder inside the horse trailer so that Lou could eat on the way to the show. Then they would load Lou into the horse trailer and drive to the horse show. They always stopped at the AM/PM on the way so that Allie's mom could get some coffee. Allie got hot chocolate, and nearly always burned her tongue because she was so eager to taste its hot, liquid sweetness.

Allie had two best friends, Polly and Jenna. They all went to school together and would play together often. Polly and Jenna didn't have horses, but Allie loved them anyway. She would let them ride her pony, Lucky whenever they wanted. Sometimes Allie would even let them ride Lou, but not too often. Allie loved Lou a lot, even more than she loved Polly and Jenna, but she didn't want them to know it. Lou was Allie's very best friend.

To be continued....

Taking the plunge

2008-03-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

Some people are brave. Not me. I would much rather spend my life struggling to survive than to admit that I need help. Showing people that I need them, that I don't have it all together, is one of my very biggest fears. Because when people know that you're weak, you become vulnerable.

Sometimes, though, you come to a point where you realize that living in survival mode isn't really living; it's the appearance of life where there is none. I've been living that way for a long, long time. I didn't want to recognize that something was terribly wrong with the way things were going on. It was much easier to berate myself for being lazy than to recognize that it's just NOT NORMAL to feel utterly hopeless, to cry for no reason, to feel like getting out of bed in the morning will be the death of you.

So, inspired by the bravery of my friend Emery and the wise words of my aunt and Rene, I've decided to get some help. Yesterday I went to the health center and saw the walk-in counselor. I was screened to see if I'm really in need of help, and was told that yes, I do need some help.

I know that getting help for my depression and its root causes will be a long process. It's especially difficult because I've spent such a huge part of my life figuring out ways to hide the symptoms and pretend like everything is ok. But I know that God has so much more for me...so much abundant life.

I can't wait to start crawling out of this pit and see what is in store for me on the outside. In the sun. In life.

I want this girl to be REAL.

Identity Crisis

2008-03-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

So I was just thinking (scary thought, I know):

If I'm going to graduate in May and I'm not going on to a PhD program, the entries in this blog will no longer REALLY be 'random stories from grad school.'
So do I have to change the name? What should I change the name to? HELP!!!
If you have an awesome moniker that you think would fit my blog once I graduate, let me know. I'll be taking any and all suggestions into deep consideration.

Crikey, I should have thought of this ahead of time!

Pretty sure all these names are taken.

Back from the City

2008-03-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

It seems like it's really difficult these days to find people who are genuinely kind, people who love you and do things for you just because, and not because they expect anything from it. I found some of those people this weekend when I went to Oklahoma City to present a paper at a conference and visit with some friends.

The conference I went to was for communication studies students. My paper was one of the ones selected to be presented on a panel, which I did on Saturday. It was fun and weird at the same time. Fun because I like to share my research with people, and weird because in talking to all the PhD students, I realized two things:

1. Although I am a nerd, I am DEFINITELY not as big a nerd as 90% of the people I talked to this weekend.
2. My interests are WAY to broad to be as focused and specific as you have to be to write a dissertation and be a "real" scholar.

So that settles one thing, at least. I'm pretty sure that I don't want to get a PhD. I'm desperately afraid that I'd turn out like some of the people I talked to this weekend and become even more socially challenged than I am now. That would not be good, people.

Me and my panel...see what I mean about nerdy?

There were other fun things to do in Oklahoma City besides go to the conference, though. I got to stay with my friends Emery and Chris, and their adorable little 3-year-old boy, Ezra. He is quite possibly the cutest little boy in existence. Seriously. If People did a "Top 100 Cutest Kids" instead of the sexiest man thing, Ezra would totally win. Each morning when he saw me stumble groggily out of the guest room, he would suck in his breath with surprise and (I think) delight. It was like he was simultaneously shocked and excited that I was still there. I played with him and his cars, as well as the western town. Some gruesome crashes occurred, and some bad men got thrown into jail. It was great.

Did I mention that my rental car fell through? Apparently if your license is expired and you forget to bring that slip of paper from the DMV that says "yes, Andrea did in fact renew her license," they won't rent you a car. Crazy. So Emery, in the goodness of her heart, came and picked me up at 11:30 p.m. And Chris, because he is one of the most sincerely kind people you will ever meet, let me borrow his work truck to get back and forth from the conference. I am so, so blessed and humbled by Chris & Emery's generosity.

I also got to see Joel, a friend from the days when he, Chris, Emery, and I all went to the same church in San Luis Obispo. It was great getting to catch up with him and hear what's going on in his life. While I was on the way to have lunch with him, it started to SNOW! So cool! I've never driven in snow before. It wasn't cold enough for the snow to stay on the ground, but it was good enough for me!

Thank you, Chris and Emery, for all your hospitality! You make Oklahoma a friendlier, more exciting place :)

Kathy found the dissertation of one of our profs at Sac State and I suggested we take a picture...ok, maybe I AM a big nerd.

I <3 my dad...

2008-03-05T20:06:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my dad on the phone. Somehow we got on the topic of how school is hard for kids because they have to do lots of homework and extracurricular activities, etc, etc. For some unknown reason, I started sniffling and crying, and began talking to him about a lot of stuff from my own childhood that I had never told him. A lot of it had to do with the things that happened after he and my mom divorced. It was hard. I was VERY emotional.

He told me we could talk more when I came into town next, but I didn't wind up getting to see him because I was judging at a debate tournament.

So do you know what he did? He went out and bought me a box of yummy chocolates and made sure to give them to me this last weekend. He told me he went out and bought them after we had talked because he thought they might make me feel better and he didn't know if we'd have time to hang out and talk.

I know he'll never read this blog because he doesn't ever use computers, but I just have to say it:

I love you, Dad! Thanks for thinking of me and getting me that thoughtful treat.
I don't think you'll ever know how much that means to me!

Chocolate makes everything better :)

Wild Weekend

2008-03-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

This last weekend was beyond crazy. On Thursday, I drove to Atascadero. While I was there, I shot and attended both a wedding and a bridal shower, and took some test shots at Santa Margarita ranch for Cortney and Jason's wedding. Since my lovely friend, Danielle, was in town with her adorable baby, I took some pictures for her. I swear, there were times that I felt my camera was glued to my face!
I also managed to kidnap my amazing buddy, Katie, and take her to breakfast on Monday morning. I didn't think I'd wake her up, but I did (oops!). Good thing I had some Starbucks in tow as a peace offering. :)
And, on top of it all, I was able to get all my homework done AND write a study guide for the midterm my students are taking this Thursday. Consequently, I didn't drive home until 4:00 this morning, and just made it to school in time to hold the review session for the midterm. Phew!
Here are some pictures from this weekend....

Family Love

2008-02-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

So apparently people don't enjoy reading about writing papers for grad school. And that's ok. It's not really the most exciting part of my life anyways. I am in the most exciting part of my life right now, home at the Tierney's.
Let me explain:
Although I love my family, they are a little bit crazy. And to keep me from going crazy, God in his goodness and mercy gave me another family to love and depend on who love me back. This is where I stay when I come back to my hometown, and these people are the ones I call when I think I can't keep going. Somehow, they manage to help me make sense of life's craziness, even when I'm having a complete meltdown.
The Tierneys are a rare breed of family because they are the kind of people who are constantly opening their home to others, and continuously redefining and enlarging their own family unit. The core of the Tierney family consists of, well, the Tierneys: Jim, Rene, Cortney, Katie, Brittney, and Matthew. They have recently added Jason, Cortney's fiancee to the family. Trish and Stephanie, a mom and daughter pair, also live here, and every other weekend or so, I become part of the household. However, on any given day, the house can have any number of people added to it. The regulars are Heath (who I was in 4-H with), Dustin (another 4-H'er), Jennifer and Brian (a mom and son pair), and Evelyn (the leader of the 4-H group we all used to be in).
It's an exciting place to be with so many people, many who aren't related to each other, giving lots of love and encouragement to each other. We go on hikes, watch movies, make lots of food play, games, and all sorts of other fun things.
But I think the thing that makes this place so incredibly wonderful is that it's grounded in the love of Jesus. We all try to show His love to each other every chance we get, in helping each other out, encouraging each other, praying together, and finding little ways to make each other feel worthwhile. It's an amazing thing to feel like a real PART of a home that's full of love, laughter, and hijinks. It really makes me not want to go back to school, but at least I know that every time I go away, I have something wonderful to come back to.

Oklahoma, OK!

2008-02-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

One of the things you must do as a grad student is write papers. Now these aren't five-page, three-source papers. These are intense, 20+ page, 50+ source papers. For each course you take, you have to write at least one of these papers.

Last semester, I wrote three. Well, two actually. One of them was an in-depth training on managing power in the classroom for new grad assistants. Anyways...

One of the papers I wrote was a narrative analysis of a God's Politics blog. If you've never read the stuff put out by Jim Wallis and his colleagues, you definitely should. It's good stuff. Really good stuff. But I digress.

When Rudy Giuliani was still a candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, Pat Robertson got the brilliant idea that he should endorse Giuliani for president. This despite the fact that nearly all of Giuliani's positions on social issues are the complete opposite of Robertson's. When this epic event occurred, Wallis was a bit inflamed. So, he decided to blog about it, in fine Jim Wallis fashion (that basically means that he completely and totally reamed Robertson in every way possible).

Since I am a grad student and I had a paper to write for my religion and communication class, I decided that it would be fun to investigate the way Wallis talks about Robertson's endorsement of Giuliani, especially since Wallis and Robertson's ideas for how faith should be integrated into politics are COMPLETELY different (Wallis, by the way, seems to be an Obama fan).

So I wrote the paper. And I submitted it to a student conference. And it got in.

On March 6th, I will be boarding a plane and flying into Oklahoma to present my paper and (bonus!) visit with my beautiful and talented friend Emery, who is letting me sleep in her newly-redesigned guest room.

I am so excited :) I love Oklahoma for so many reasons: the friendly people, the sweet tea, the beautiful OU campus (which is reminiscent of Harvard with its red brick architecture ), the bbq, and, of course, the building full of fellow communication studies nerds who will be anxiously waiting to discuss my work. Or rip it to pieces.

Teach for America

2008-02-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

Quite some time ago, I made a list of things I intended to do in order to take control of my life and make a difference in the world. Idealistic though it seems, I've finally followed through with one of the items on that list. I've just submitted my application to Teach for America, a national service program that sends out college graduates to teach in urban and rural underprivileged schools.
One part of the application process was choosing which areas I'd want to teach in. Since I've never been to the South, my top two picks were Eastern North Carolina and Atlanta, Georgia. My backup choice is the Bay Area.
I've always believed in the power of education, and it makes me feel all warm and tingly inside to think that I may very well have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of some underprivileged kids through this program. I've always been teaching in some shape or form: leadership positions in 4-H, being a camp counselor, helping out fellow students, coaching debate, and actually teaching my own classes during grad school. So this program seems like it would be really good for me. I'd have the opportunity to help others, experience life in a new area, and grow as a teacher and a person.
Plus...if I complete my two years, I get a monetary bonus to put toward my student loans. Hooray!

Posting Challenge

2008-02-14T22:54:00.001-08:00

So my lovely friend, Katie, has challenged me to a posting war. She has smugly stated that she can post more than me this month. That's right, she was smug. As I am never one to turn down a challenge, this post serves as my official notice that we are now engaged in a posting battle. Let the games begin!

She's a worthy opponent, but I will go toe-to-toe with her!

Updates

2008-02-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

I've neglected to put down a REAL post for awhile, so here's a little update of what's happened since my last post:
- My pre-proposal for my thesis was approved, and I'm now enrolled in 6 units of thesis writing (ack!).
- I (barely) finished fall semester and completed all three 20+ page papers I had to write.
- I met with a guy I'd been talking to for the last few months over my birthday weekend, but things didn't really work out (that's ok, grad school isn't the time to start a new relationship anyway).
- I TURNED 26!!!!! I feel so old ;)
- I started another semester of school.
- I got a paper accepted to a conference in Oklahoma, so I'll be visiting my friend, Emery in okie-land the first week of March.
- I became an AUNT!!!
- I moved from Sacramento to Rancho Cordova. Further away from school, but cheaper and safer.

So that's the highlights of these last couple months while I've been blog-less. Here are some pictures you might enjoy:

I'm back!

2008-02-07T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm back, and ready to dust off this poor blog and get it running again! But before I do, I wanted to share this fun little tidbit from one of my favorite comics...

This is SO how I feel sometimes...especially during winter break while I was grading the take-home finals.

The Amazing Race

2007-11-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

My good friend Steven e-mailed me earlier today asking if I would apply to be on The Amazing Race with him. The funny thing is that I had never even seen the show until I moved in with my new roommate, Laura, who is an Amazing Race addict. She plans on applying for the show herself sometime in the future.

My first response to Steven's invitation was to wonder why the heck he would ask me to go on the show with him. I mean, I'm not very fit, I can't speak any foreign languages, and I can't even operate a manual transmission. But then I got over myself and decided to apply. It would be an AMAZING experience, I do love to travel, and I'm pretty competitive.

So I'm going to apply. I just finished my application, and I'm going to swing by Steven's sometime this weekend to shoot our little video saying why we should be on the show. Should be good family fun. I now have until April to get in shape, learn how to drive a manual transmission, and get familiar with maps....if we get chosen, that is.

Amazing Race, here I come!

Technologically challenged

2007-11-17T00:48:00.000-08:00

I've had a Dell laptop for about four years. This semester, it decided to give me the blue screen of death multiple times, and while it hasn't completely crashed, I got scared enough to go to financial aid and get a loan increase for a new computer. I recently ordered a macbook pro, which I received in the mail a couple of days ago. I've been spending the last couple of days familiarizing myself with the interface. It is waaay different from my old PC.

I was really excited about the new computer because of all the cool things it would let me do...like edit pictures, create amazing blog/website thingies, and record my own music. The only problem is that I can't seem to figure out the programs. Garageband seems to pick up a ton of background noise that I didn't know existed, photoshop is a mystery, and iweb is nearly as bad as photoshop.

Macbook Pro 15"

I've signed myself up for a class in using the new OS, Leopard, tomorrow at the Apple store. I'm hoping that the workshop will help me be able to do all the amazing things I was initially so excited about. Until then, I'm really enjoying how much faster, lighter, and comfortable this computer is. It's so nice to be able to surf the web without iTunes freezing up. Yes, the Mac is heaven :)

Coming out of the closet

2007-10-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not gay. But I do have something to admit. It's really hard to say this, but here it is: I have an Eharmony account.
Yes, that's right, I am an online dater. And even crazier than that is that fact that I am currently talking to a guy I've never actually seen in person that I met on Eharmony.

Go ahead, throw the rotten tomatoes at me. But if you saw the available pool of guys I interact with on a day-to-day basis, you might be tempted to get an account, too.

Last night I talked to my roommate about this. I prefaced my discussion with her by saying, "Well I'm a particularly heinous brand of loser and I can't meet men the normal way, so..."
She immediately corrected my self-categorization. Apparently, I'm NOT a heinous brand of loser. Apparently lots and lots of people are super-busy and have online dating accounts.

Not sure if I've met the love of my life yet, but it's a nice thought.

So it makes me wonder: why was I so embarrassed and secretive about the whole thing in the first place? Is it because I like keeping potential relationships under the radar until something serious reveals itself? Or is it because I feel like there's something "wrong" with me because I haven't met anyone I'm interested in since moving to Sacramento?

When I was talking to my online friend (we've been talking on the phone now for about a month), I told him that I was a bit embarrassed about having an Eharmony account. In response, he said something that struck me as being insanely insightful. What he told me was this: "I figure that there are so many amazing people out there and the probability of them all being around me is impossible. So it's almost selfish not to put myself out there to meet all the wonderful people I can. I mean, we have the Internet as this great resource, so why not use it?"

Ok, so this quotation isn't verbatim, but it's my best recollection of the conversation. So there you have it. I'm out. It feels kind of good to be out of the online dating closet. And in the end, regardless of what happens with my 'friend', I can feel good about my choice because I put myself out there. And that's a big step. For me, at least.

Truth

2007-10-23T13:18:00.001-07:00

This cracked me up. Thought others might enjoy it :)

What the future holds

2007-10-21T00:57:00.001-07:00

One of my friends used to have a sticker on her binder that said, "I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." What a wonderful sentiment. Such certainty, such peace in those few words. But I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, and the assurance captured in that simple statement suddenly seems so elusive.

I'm due to graduate with my master's degree in a number of months (provided, of course, that I finish my thesis). Thoughts on what I will actually DO with my life once I've graduated have been ever-present, and I keep wondering what will happen. Will I get a job? Will I meet someone and get married? Will I go back home or move away? And most of all, will I be able to make it on my own?

It seems as if I've been in school so long now that I only know how to operate within the unique rhythm of academia. The rush to get things prepared for the beginning of the semester, the endless deadlines, the sweet relief once a semester has ended, and the insane drive toward self-torture that makes you want to start it all over again. I keep wondering about what will happen if I can't find a job teaching. Will I be happy outside of school? Will I be challenged?

I know that, as a Christian, I'm told that I shouldn't "worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." However, as Paul once said, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." I find myself constantly daydreaming/worrying about what will happen once I leave this chapter of my life. Looking back, it's been a time filled with so much growth, happiness and pain, so much richness that I become absolutely terrified that nothing will ever compare to these times.

But perhaps therein lies the answer. Perhaps the point is to enjoy each moment, savor it and feel it to the fullest extent, so that when that inevitable time comes when I find myself in a new chapter, I won't have to wonder what would have happened had I really, truly lived.

Perhaps the future will hold even more amazing things, like another European excursion!

Melting Point

2007-10-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, I hit my melting point. You know that point you get to when suddenly you're just on overload and all you can do is shut down or cry? Yeah. That's where I was last night during my instructional communication class right after I gave my presentation. I'm not even sure what lead to my major meltdown during class, but I'm thinking it could be a product of 1. not enough sleep + 2. too much work.

To start, I spent NINE HOURS on Monday grading midterms. For anyone who has never had a day like that, it is not fun. After three hours of grading midterms your brain feels like jelly. After nine hours, it's devolved into something entirely inhuman. But I pushed through, got the grading done, and then spent ANOTHER two hours working on a lesson plan. It was a lot of work, but it felt great to get so much accomplished.

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling completely drained, but very aware of the fact that I still had to finish my discussion/presentation for my instructional communication class. So I woke up, pushed through, and got that done as well. By the time I got to school, I was only running on half power, but somehow still found the energy to put out two GREAT, energetic lectures with lots of interaction built in. Unfortunately, my students were so worried about writing down all the information on the transparencies that instead of lively chatter and interaction, all I heard was the "scratch, scratch, scratch" of everyone furiously copying down notes. Major bummer. At that point, I pretty much felt like a teaching failure :(

After I finished teaching my two classes in a row, I decided to work on my presentation some more. But I couldn't focus, so I went and talked to my instructional communication teacher to get some ideas for fixing the furious note-taking and creating more interaction. That was good. But I still needed to work on my presentation. So, I did it. Worked it through. Made it great. But I felt like I had NO steam left to put into actually giving the presentation.

When six p.m. rolled around and it was time for class, I was DREADING giving my presentation. But somehow I dragged up some energy and did what I thought was a pretty good job. And then my classmates gave me comments. Oh boy, did they give me comments. I felt as though one of my classmates was being overly harsh with me, and all of the sudden I hit the melting point. Tears started to well up in my eyes unbidden. I was thinking to myself the entire time,
"Why the heck am I crying? I'm not upset. I don't want to cry. This sucks! Why can't I stop crying?"

It was all quite humiliating, because there I was in front of my peers, an instructor, and a VIDEO CAMERA, crying. I wished I could sink into the ground. But unfortunately, there's no sinking allowed in real life.
So now that I've hit my melting point once this semester, I hope it doesn't happen again. Or if it does, I really hope it happens when I'm by myself where there is no one to watch or record me as I physically, emotionally, and mentally fall to pieces.

Please. Lord Jesus, please.

Midterm Time

2007-10-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

I am grading midterms. 35 down, 25 to go. After this, I have to grade around 62 three-page papers. *sigh* This is definitely my LEAST favorite part of teaching :(
Someone come rescue me...I think the stacks of paper are going to suffocate me to death!

The Golden Horseshoe

2007-10-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

Cal Poly and UC Davis have a HUGE rivalry going on. Every year, they play each other for the coveted "Golden Horseshoe" which goes to the winner of the game. In the time I attended Cal Poly, we only got it once. Well, apparently last year we beat Davis and reclaimed the horseshoe. Today was a fight to the death to see who it would go to next.

Since the game this year was in Davis, and I'm a mere 20 minutes away in Sacramento, I decided to go and watch my sister cheer while rooting for my mighty mustangs. And boy was it great!

The game started out really well, with some AMAZING offensive plays and a lot of sacks from the defense. We scored two touchdowns...they scored two touchdowns. And it kind of went downhill from there...for Davis!!!! We scored a few more times and they answered back with one touchdown. The final score was Cal Poly 63, UC Davis 28. What a massacre!
Here are some of my favorite pictures from the game. Enjoy!

Ride high you Mustangs, kick the frost out, burn the breeze....

Ride high, you Mustangs, those bow-wows we'll knock to their knees. Hi! Ki! Yi!

Ride high, you Mustangs, shoot the moon and do it right...

Ride high and cut a rusty, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!

GO MUSTANGS!

Home, Sweet Home

2007-10-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday, and I've now lived in this house for 1 month and 9 days. I really love this house. There is so much space, the neighborhood is quiet, and it just feels like HOME. I never realized how much the need for space affects me until I sat back and thought about how different this year is from last year. I feel more calm, more relaxed, less stressed, which is really interesting because my workload is more than twice what it was last year.
Thus, I have decided to dedicate a blog to my home. I hope you enjoy visiting it as much as I do.
This is the view o f my house from the street. Isn't the landscaping lovely?

We also have a huge lavender bush in the front yard where a whole family of bumblebees like to hang out. It's a wonderful place to live, and I'm so thankful I found it!

What a difference a year makes

2007-10-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

I was sorting through my blog posts and found this unfinished draft:

"Procrastination central

As a grad student, I've found that there are lots of ways to deal with the stress of writing term papers, developing presentations, and the stress of grad school in general. Some people drink (yay for bars), some people engage in risky relationships of all sorts, and some people experiment with various illegal substances. I, however, have developed my own world of stress reduction. I procrastinate.
Now you may be thinking to yourself that procrastination doesn't seem like a very good tool for dealing with impending deadlines. However, I'd have to say that based on extensive experience, procrastination is indeed a fine method of dealing with the deluge of work that grad school brings."

I've said before how much teaching has changed me. This old post is a classic example. I cannot even fathom procrastinating to the degree that I used to; teaching just doesn't allow it. But that's one of the amazing things about teaching: it's not just about you anymore.
For example, if I am unprepared for class, I'm not the only one that suffers. Certainly, I run the risk of looking like a complete buffoon in front of my class. More importantly, though, my students suffer because I am not prepared to communicate material to them appropriately. Knowing what I know now about the teaching and learning process, I can hardly believe the way I used to slide through school without truly preparing myself for class.
I can only hope that I have the dedication to continue along the path of academic righteousness.

Teaching

2007-10-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

Today I held a review day for all my students because we have a big scary MIDTERM coming up next Tuesday. Today things just seemed to click. I felt so confident about the material I was covering for them, my transparencies were 100% visible, and I was really having FUN explaining all of the beginning concepts of argumentation to them. It was so neat pulling together all of the things I've been helping them learn over the past five weeks and showing them how it all fit together. *sigh* Sometimes, it's so awesome being an educator.

When I began teaching, I knew that it would change me. Not only would I have to be more organized and really master the material, but I knew that there was something about ME that would have to change. I would have to present myself differently. I would have to get over my insecurities and be a bit more confident. All of that is starting to happen, and although it still makes me feel like I'm not being a good teacher when I see people texting in class (you better believe I publicly shame the texters!), I'm getting a lot better at not taking my students' nonverbal cues so personally.

One of the things I was completely unprepared for was just how much teaching would affect my attitudes and behaviors as a student. I can say with 100% confidence that teaching has made me a much better student. When I have to present to my class, I have a little more confidence and flair. When I read materials I am better able to pick out the big ideas and see how everything fits together. And I have so much more respect for the process my instructors go through in creating assignments and putting together class materials. I can empathize with them when others in the class start getting out of control. Most importantly, I can recognize the things that are particularly irritating as an instructor and make darned sure that I'm not doing those things myself.

Yes, I knew that teaching would change things. But I didn't know it would change me as much as it has, in less than two months! I'm thankful for the increased responsibility and organization that teaching has forced me into. I feel so blessed and privileged to be in this position, to be able to master material in such a manner that I can convey it to others. But most of all, I am thankful for the dual perspective that teaching while pursuing my master's degree has given me.

So I'm just giving a shout-out to all the teachers out there, whether you are instructing classes, running training seminars, or teaching your little one how to read or speak. You are amazing. I love you. And I'm thankful to be a part of what you do, if only by association.

Overwhelmed

2007-10-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my computer and it's nearly midnight. I'm thinking of all the things I still need to do, like write a midterm, complete a presentation, finish some readings, write my thesis pre-proposal, get my oil changed, make a deposit, put away my clean clothes, etc, etc, etc.
I keep wondering when life is going slow down. Like Green Acres. Right now I'm so ready to pack in the city and transplant myself to a world where all I really have to worry about is whether or not my home-grown zucchinis will win first prize at the county fair. Yes, I know, it probably sounds terribly dull, but right now I am LOVING the idea of a domestic life.

Perhaps I'm romanticizing life as a homemaker. I know that there's always tons to do: clean the house, shuttle the kids to wherever they have to go, make sure those little minds are getting filled with good things, keep track of the family finances, do about 100 loads of laundry, etc, etc, etc. Maybe one of the reasons I think so often about being domestic and having a husband and kids is because I'm afraid not so deep down inside that I'll never get to have that kind of life. I know that I'm really good at the school thing, and I could see myself being a career teacher. But there is something that sounds so wonderful about nurturing a family, knowing all its little quirks, and helping little minds grow up into wonderful people.

Or it could be that the family life is so the opposite of how my life is right now that it's a wonderful mental escape. No papers to write, no students to be frustrated with, no putting up with crazy faculty members who can't decide if they should be your mentor or your friend. Yep, being a wife and mom is sounding pretty darned good right now. But I know that in the end I'll wind up dissatisfied all over again. And I know that this dissatisfaction is because I'm not meant for the world. What's that thing Paul says? That we're to be IN the world and not OF it. So I guess it's o.k. that I feel overwhelmed and out of place right now. After all, this oddness and discomfort is only a temporary symptom of belonging to something and someone much greater than myself.

Deep breath. Exhale. Moving on.....

Loving Autumn

2007-10-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

I think Autumn is my favorite time of year. It's so lovely when the weather gets crisp and you can start enjoying all those soft, lovely scarves and beanies, hug your peacoat close, and listen to the 'click-click, crunch-crunch' of your favorite boots in the falling leaves.
There are so many amazing things about Autumn; the leaves all change color, the weather gets clear and cool, and Starbucks brings back the pumpkin spice latte. Mmmmm. So tasty.
But even better than pumpkin spice lattes and warm, snuggly scarves is chili. That's right, chili. Tasty, spicy, grubbin' chili. I'm making some right now. It's got black beans, pinto beans, kidney beans, ground turkey, jalapeños, green chilis, onions, and a plethora of wonderful spices. I can smell it as it's simmering away in the stock pot.
That chili will get me through many a night of studying and plunking away at the computer in a mad effort to get all my work done. It will sustain me when I'm famished and warm me when I'm cold. And best of all, it tastes AWESOME! I wish I could share some of my chili with you, right through this blog. But unfortunately, technology hasn't gotten that far yet. At least I can imagine all my wonderful friends enjoying the chili with me while I savor its spicy amazingness.
Hooray for fall! And hooray for CHILI!

Haircuts and computers

2007-09-26T23:06:00.001-07:00

So this morning when I woke up, my hair was about this long (and yes, I know this is a ridiculously emo picture):

Now it's this long:

I had the hairstylist person hack off about 4 inches. I'm still trying to decide how much I like it this short.

In other news, I'm thinking of getting a Mac so that I can develop my photography and music interests a little more. I've had a lot of people comment on my photography and encourage me to pursue it more, but I'm not sure how much I can do with a PC in this age of digital technology. I might have enough if I save up, but buying a Mac will put me out around $1,500. Still figuring out whether that's a good idea.

Hurtful People

2007-09-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

There are some people in this world that I will never understand. The guy who honks and yells obscenities out his window because you didn't floor it the exact nanosecond the light turned green, the woman who freaks out because you miscounted your groceries and omigosh you have eleven items instead of ten and this is the express lane for crying out loud! Then there's that person you spend tons of time with yet never seem to get close to, the one who hurts you over and over again that you want to keep giving second chances and eventually realize that you can't.

While I have experienced plenty of Mr. Road-rages and Ms. Anal-retentive-grocery-shoppers in my time, the irritation caused by these two cannot even compare with the hurt and anguish that the third kind of person has. I have one such person in my life right now, and I cannot even count the times she has hurt me beyond belief. Yet I keep pressing forward, try to forgive and move on, only to be hurt again.

Have you ever met a person like this? The person your pour your heart out to, who then decides to make a joke of your heart, revealing your deepest insecurities in the most hurtful and obscene fashion. The person you really want to be a good friend to; whose criticism you take to heart, only to find that when you raise concerns of your own, they somehow don't seem to matter in this person's eyes. Have you ever beat yourself to death trying to please someone, just to discover that you have somehow become party to a 'friendship' built on double standards?

I have.

I am.

And I don't know where to go from here.

This woman, who I thought was my friend, doesn't seem to have any regard for my feelings. She has proven this time and time again by engaging in hurtful behaviors toward me. When I have tried to convey my feelings regarding her actions, she brushes them off and tells me that they are "just opinions." She repeatedly mocks my appreciation for my friends and family back home, expecting me to play along. She has publicly (and falsely) accused me of betraying her confidence. She has hurt me beyond belief. And yet for some reason, I keep trying to be a better friend to her. I cannot understand my actions in this regard; perhaps they are a result of my fear that I won't be accepted.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be around her, but I know that contact is inevitable. I want to really forgive her. I'm not sure that I can when she won't even admit to the possibility that she could have hurt me. I just wish I could stop pretending everything is all right and have my concerns heard. Sincerely. I wish she would just listen.

Honestly, I don't even know what to do at this point. Things like this make me miss home even more, and especially the people there who love me without judging me and who listen to me and show me they care. Like my little friend, Brittney, who put this note in my camera bag for me to find when I moved back to Sacramento for school:

This is love. Unconditional, heartfelt, caring, wonderful love. The kind of love that enjoys time together without gossip or malice, the kind of love that bakes brownies together and giggles uncontrollably until the late hours of the night, the kind of love that is full of hugs and assurance and acceptance. I miss this love right now.

A dedication for the new school year

2007-09-12T23:47:00.000-07:00

Lord,

Help me to be holy because You are holy, help me to live a life that magnifies Your name;
Help me to seek not after my own glory, and help me to be one who demonstrates Your grace;
Let me not be tempted to exalt my own strength, but let me lean on the Rock that is higher than I;
Let me show love to those who would curse me, and let me be a resting place where the wounded soul confides.

My tongue I give to You, Lord, for I know it is easily given to malicious words and idle lies;
My mind I beseech you to take as well, for it often lacks reflection and abounds in pride;
Remind me daily of Your compassion, for I rarely give it to those who need it most;
Remind me of what You have brought me out of, yet check my pride so I may not boast.

This day and every day I give you You, my King; please be my ruler in all that I do;
And make me holy because You are holy, that my every thought, word, and deed may bring glory to You.

Amen.

Interview!

2007-09-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

The lovely Emery Clark sent me these questions AGES ago, but I never got around to doing the interview. So....here it is!

1. If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
Wow, that's a hard one. I guess I would have to ask Him why I have such a hard time believing sometimes. It seems like it gets especially hard either when things are mediocre. It's frustrating that I get so apathetic at times, and I'd really like to know why it happens and how I could change it.

2. What did you want to be when you were a little girl?
After I got over wanting to be a princess, an olympic horse jumper, and a concert clarinetist, I wanted to be the President of the United States. At one point I learned how to pluck out "hail to the chief" on the piano so that I could imagine what it would be like.

3. Favorite scent?
Fresh jasmine. Hands down. That scent has so many wonderful summer memories attached to it. However, when I'm feeling homesick the only smell that makes me feel better is the heavy leather smell at the Boot Barn. That's where I went when I first moved to Sacramento and was feeling particularly lonely.

4. The last song that made you cry?
"You always know (where to find me)" by Watermark. They are one of my favorite musical groups, and their music and lyrics always touches my soul. Their music also reminds me a lot of the friends I left when I moved up here, so the awesome lyrics plus the moving music and vivid memories nearly always brings me to tears.

5. If you could live anywhere on the whole earth, where would it be
and why?

On a big cattle ranch out in Montana. I've never experienced hard winters and I've heard that the springtime out there is amazing. I've also always wanted to live on horseback for awhile, and it would be so amazing to ride on cattle drives set against the picturesque backdrop of the uninhabited parts of Montana.

Life in Sacramento

2007-09-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but it seems like there is always something going wrong in life. Even when you cover all your bases and plan things to the smallest detail, something manages to go awry. The funny thing is that I used to think that I alone led a super-hectic and tragic life while everyone else seemed to have a charmed existence with none of the difficulties I faced. Lately, however, I've come to realize that things go wrong for everyone. It seems like life is less about avoiding the mistakes and unexpected glitches and more about how you deal with them.
Thus, I've made a decision this school year to stop letting the unexpected "tragedies" rule my life. Instead, I've agreed with God and myself that I am going to push through, be committed, and get things done no matter what life throws my way. I know that financial aid will never get me my check on time, my computer will always do something unexpected, and there will always be some little drama from either my friends, family, or colleagues. But I shouldn't have to rely on other people in order to maintain my character and stay on top of my commitments, and I'm not going to anymore. I hope that whoever reads this will help keep me accountable to not make excuses based on the unexpected.

In other news....fall is coming! I can't wait to see all the leaves change color and fall to make the ground a blanket of rich color. I'm so excited about the air becoming crisp and having the chance to don my peacoat and scarves once again. And most of all, I can't wait for that feeling of anticipation that seems to overtake the world when it realizes that the holidays are coming close. Even in a biggish, city, people seem to get a little bit kinder. It makes me feel glad inside just thinking about the excitement the holidays bring.

Autumn is coming!

I'm back!

2007-08-31T12:12:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it's been over three months since I last posted! This summer has been crazy. I spent five weeks volunteering at Camp Good News, got a temp job at a title company for a month, did some house-sitting, volunteered at the California Mid State Fair, visited a friend in Utah, and now I'm back in Sacramento putzing around while I wait to move into my new place.
I can't believe that I only have TWO semesters left until I have a master's degree...it seems almost unreal.
One of the things I most enjoyed doing this summer was spending time taking pictures. While working and going to school, I let photography fall by the wayside a bit, but this summer I got a chance to take pictures at camp, at the fair, and in Utah. I wound up doing three photography sessions, one for my pregnant friend Danielle in Utah, one for my recently engaged friends Cortney and Jason, and one for the lovely Tierney family. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and it was great to see how much enjoyment they got from the pictures I took.
Here is a small sample of this summer's photography:

Camp Good News...Josh, our missions man, was demonstrating what life is like in developing countries, such as Indonesia, where people live along a river.

One of my favorite pictures of
Cortney and Jason from the
engagement shoot.

Katie with the market judge and her grand
champion market lamb at the California Mid
State Fair....she got $25/lb. for her amazing
market lamb!

The lovely Tierney family :)
(I miss them already)

My very beautiful (and very
pregnant) friend Danielle in
Utah.

What a difference a year makes

2007-05-06T18:35:00.000-07:00

I was sorting through my blog posts and found this unfinished draft:

"Procrastination central

As a grad student, I've found that there are lots of ways to deal with the stress of writing term papers, developing presentations, and the stress of grad school in general. Some people drink (yay for bars), some people engage in risky relationships of all sorts, and some people experiment with various illegal substances. I, however, have developed my own world of stress reduction. I procrastinate.
Now you may be thinking to yourself that procrastination doesn't seem like a very good tool for dealing with impending deadlines. However, I'd have to say that based on extensive experience, procrastination is indeed a fine method of dealing with the deluge of work that grad school brings."

I've said before how much teaching has changed me. This old post is a classic example. I cannot even fathom procrastinating to the degree that I used to; teaching just doesn't allow it. But that's one of the amazing things about teaching: it's not just about you anymore.
For example, if I am unprepared for class, I'm not the only one that suffers. Certainly, I run the risk of looking like a complete buffoon in front of my class. More importantly, though, my students suffer because I am not prepared to communicate material to them appropriately. Knowing what I know now about the teaching and learning process, I can hardly believe the way I used to slide through school without truly preparing myself for class. I can only hope that I continue on the path of academic righteousness. It won't be an easy one.

Why I write

2007-05-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that certain Native American tribes did not believe in the power of the written word. They believed that words, once spoken or written, were like feathers on the wind that could be scattered and dispersed. Actions were the true test of trustworthiness. While I do not think that actions are unimportant, I strongly feel that this ideology is somewhat flawed. While any promise can be made or broken, words have an inherent power. Specifically, the written word has a unique force that is not apparent in other facets of language. The written word can challenge ideology, manifest the controversial, and cause people to critically interrogate the world in which they live. It is for these reasons that I write.
Historically, it has been written works that have most strongly challenged the dominant ideologies of cultures and governmental systems. Such novels as Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire constantly emerge, causing people to question their government and their cooperation with it, awakening the mind to the harsh realities of the continued existence of oppression today. This happened historically with such writers as Karl Marx and even the founders of the United States of America, who used print newspaper to advance their cause and help people understand the reason that the monarchy must be challenged. As a debater, I love reading these ideas, and can only hope to be able to put some of them into practice in my lifetime. The thought processes that such writing stirs in me leads me to constantly interrogate and contextualize such ideologies in the face of our own system of representative democracy and global market capitalist system. These authors create in me an intensity and excitement that cannot be contained, and must flow out. This has taken place most often in my writing, as my journal entries, letters to the editor, and even my senior project have been infused with principles that do not occur in the dominant mainstream media or literature. The power of the written word is intricately related to my own desire to write, as the process of reading what others have written intensifies that desire. I hope that one day our society will turn away from the mainstream media and take up their own ideas, refusing to engage any longer in a system that asks only for an increase in the size pocketbooks and not the development of their minds and hearts.
Tied to the idea of challenging dominant philosophies and structures is the precept that the written word has the ability to manifest the controversial. Writers such as Karl Marx and Malcolm X experienced an extreme amount of criticism from their peers, even unto violence. Yet in the presence of such strong criticism, their writing was accomplishing its work. People were confronted with radical ideas and forced to reevaluate what they believed. We see this happen today as well. People write letters to the editor in order to stir up controversy, leading people to think differently about their own stances. In Cal Poly’s Mustang Daily, a letter was written a few years ago that described Liberal Studies majors as desperate women, waiting around to catch an engineer husband. This letter was highly controversial at the time, but it ultimately caused people to defend Liberal Studies as a legitimate major. This ultimately dispelled a portion of the existing stigma that had been attached to the Liberal Studies Major. As a debater, I have written arguments simply for the sake of creating controversy. However, the controversy created by reading such arguments as the advocacy of the ‘Scum Manifesto’ has always led my fellow debaters and me to seriously think about why our beliefs exist and how they came to be. This process of constantly shifting and questioning through controversy is one of the reasons I love to write.
The written word has power to challenge the foundations of our beliefs and give the controversial byword a voice, thus leading us to genuinely question the world in which we live. I sincerely love writing, and believe in its ability to make my ideas (and the philosophies of others) both material and timeless. The ability to critically interrogate my world and effectively communicate that process of questioning is power in and of itself. It is for all of these reasons that I write.

Being faithful with a little

2007-04-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

There's this verse in the Bible that seems to have somehow eluded me in practice for the longest time. Jesus tells the parable of the servants who are each given a certain amount of cash. Two of the servants invest what they are given, making more money for their master. The third servant freaks out about being responsible for his master's dough and buries it. When their master comes back later to see what the servants have done with the money, he is more than a little perturbed with the servant who buried the benjamins. The moral of the story is that if we are faithful to wisely use what little we are given, God will give us even more. You know, that whole "be faithful with what little you have and you'll wind up getting a lot" thing.
I've never been super-good at this. Each time I've had a ministry opportunity, I've jumped into something full-blown and thriving. I haven't have many chances to prove whether or not I can actually "be faithful with a little" and see something grow. However, in moving to Sacramento I've been opened up to a whole new world of opportunity.
I've been attending Vineyard Christian Fellowship of Sacramento since about mid-October, and I attended a home group for awhile. It was fabulous. There was food, fellowship, and abundant love for anyone who wanted some. But when it came time for the new semester, my class schedule dictated that I would no longer be able to attend my beloved Tuesday night home group. Darn those late-night graduate seminar classes!!! I didn't want to lose the amazing fellowship I had discovered in those precious couple of months, so I decided that maybe it was time to do something drastic. No, I didn't drop out of my Tuesday night class. Instead, I decided to listen to God and see what He would have me do with my Thursday nights that now just happened to be free.
What an amazing concept--listening to God. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a new believer, with the amount of time I actually spend LISTENING for God's voice.
So I listened, and in the listening I learned that there were NO home groups on Thursday nights. It also just so happened that there were NO young adult home groups. Period. Still listening....listening...listening...WHAM! SPIRITUAL SMACK TO THE HEAD!
"Andrea, why don't YOU start a home group for young adults?" "Me? No, couldn't possibly. I've barely been going to this church three months!" I went on like this for awhile, and eventually got tired of feeling like God was nagging me to start a home group, so I set up a meeting with Joedy, the Associate pastor who is also in charge of home groups. I shared with him openly and honestly that the major amount of my motives in starting a home group were purely selfish: I really just wanted people my age who were Christians that I could hang out with, and a home group seemed like a good way to make that happen.
The next thing I knew, I was leading a home group. I didn't really have a vision for the group, except that I wanted people like me (and unlike me) to be able to get together and fellowship. We started about a couple of months ago, and for quite awhile there have been only three of us attending. However, last week we had a wonderful new person join us, Jubilee. This week it was just the core three plus Jubilee. We had a little potluck dinner, some worship, and some fellowship. It was so wonderful. Even though the four of us who were there have only known each other for a short time, we were BLESSED to experience a sense of friendship and camaraderie far beyond the short months we've known each other.
Janna shared with us from the Bible tonight, and one of her main verses was the "be faithful with a little" verse. Without even realizing it, I've been proving myself faithful. I've been faithfully going ot this new group even when I know there will only be two or three of us there, and I've been cracking out my Bible and dusting off my guitar. I've been leading worship again. Writing Bible studies. I feel like I've discovered a new part of myself. I keep thinking, "oh, so THIS is what if feels like to be faithful with a little." And by being faithful I've been infused with a new faith and hope that the little I have will GROW, will FLOURISH. It's as though by going each week, I've been acting out my faith and in doing so, have increased that faith beyond measure.
God is doing something wonderful in my heart, and it's making me think that Sacramento's not so bad after all...

I'm approved!

2007-04-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

Oh joy and happiness! My final plan of study has been approved! I'm not sure exactly what that means except that I won't have any academic holds on my registration and I think that now I can move toward creating my thesis prospectus :)

ONE step closer toward GRADUATION and becoming a true MASTER!!!!

Now if only I can get through the rest of the semester....

Happy birthday, brother!

2007-04-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

Today is my little brother's birthday! He is now 23 years old :) I know he's probably not reading my blog, but I just had to give him a shout-out on the big 2-3.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

thoughts on fungii

2007-04-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

I have a problem. I'm ready to admit it. I am LONELY. And not just lonely in the "aww, I wish I had a few more friends" sense. I mean lonely in the "I would give anything for human contact right now, even my kidney" sense. I thought I'd have people to hang out with by now, but my list has remained frustratingly short and I've started resorting to desperate measures for the smallest inkling of person-to-person interaction. For example, I've:

- started getting coffee multiple times in the day so that I can talk to the barista;

- gotten FOUR manicures in the past two and a half weeks, thinking that the people at the salon would start to recognize me (they haven't);

- taken up eating out incessantly, hoping to strike up a conversation with a fellow dine-out-aloner and make a new friend;

-resorted to borderline stalking my friends' myspace pages and blogs in the hopes that SOMEONE will leave me a comment or a message and I'll know that, yes, someone out there remembers I'm up here in Sacramento all alone;

- gotten to school two hours early on the days I teach in hopes of finding someone to talk to.

I know this sounds pathetic, but it's not even the worst of it. On several occasions I've found myself randomly driving around Sacramento with my radio blaring. The Dixie Chicks make good companions, but even their songs get tired after being on repeat for two hours. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I really am lonely *sniff*. And this whole thing is uber-frustrating because yesterday was Easter and I went to this HUGE church bbq we put on for the neighborhood and even amongst all the people I STILL felt terribly, horribly, pathetically alone.

I keep telling myself that I just need to get out more, but I've been out several times and haven't met anyone that I could hang out with on a regular basis. I've also been telling myself that I just need to spend more time in the Word because Jesus is my friend and He'll make it all o.k. if I just persevere and become more disciplined. But I don't think that I'm supposed to feel this alone, NO MATTER WHAT.

I've been reading the book Blue Like Jazz , and there's this part where the author talks about being alone. It's interesting, because he addressed the EXACT things I've been feeling about being lonely and not really part of a community. Here's what Donald Miller has to say about the issue:

"Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall."

"...without people I could not grow--I could not grow in God, and I could not grow as a human. We are born into families, he said, and we are needy at first as children because God wants us together, living among one another, not hiding ourselves under logs like a fungus. You are not a fungus, he told me, you are a human, and you need other people in your life in order to be happy."

Right now I feel kind of like a fungus. I've been buried under this log that has lots of different names: fear, grad school, work, living alone, desire for acceptance. It sucks being a fungus. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE mushrooms. But somehow, mushrooms don't seem to have the most exciting life until they get picked, cleaned up and added as an ingredient to a tasty salad or stir-fry. Mushrooms aren't really good alone. Even my favorite way to enjoy mushrooms (mmm...marinated mushrooms) involves other ingredients: pepper, garlic, olive oil, etc. I'm tired of being a lonely mushroom under a log. I want to be part of something else, something that involves LOTS of other ingredients.

My only question is this: how do I get myself out from under this lonely log and in to the community salad?

From the perfect day to ick, all in one week

2007-04-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days that's just amazing and perfect and you don't ever want it to end? Well, I was lucky enough to have THREE of them last weekend. And let me tell you, crashing back down to reality has NOT been fun.
Spring break was well-deserved for me, an oasis in the midst of a grad-school desert. The last three days of spring break were AMAZING. I got to attend an art exhibit with my wonderful friend, Meghan, play two hours of Trivial Pursuit circa 1981 with James and Katie, go to Avila beach and take pictures with Katie, watch "Blades of Glory" with Laura, sing karaoke, attend church at Five Cities Vineyard, and spend a wonderful day at Santa Margarita Lake with the Tierney family. *sigh* And then, I had to come back to Sacramento. Some part of me right now is rebelling at the thought of being in school. I don't want to read, don't want to grade, don't want to be responsible or do my laundry. I just want to go back to those three days of paradise I had before the real world so harshly re-introduced itself to me.
So I have to wonder, what's wrong with me??? I usually love school. I love to write, love to read, love to explore new ideas. But right now, all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and sleep until the semester is over. This is not good. It's crunch time. I should be writing papers, reading journal articles, filling out paperwork, etc, etc, etc. So why is it that at the most crucial point of the semester I just can't seem to pull things together?
For some unknown reason, something inside of me has just decided to quit. For example, yesterday I slept in until 2 p.m.!!! I don't think I've EVER slept that much in my life! Today was almost as bad. I didn't wake up until 11 a.m., and even then all I did was watch a movie. It's now 4 p.m. and this blog is the only semi-productive thing I've done all day. Granted, I did get up, get dressed and all that jazz, but the work that is waiting to be done is the LAST thing I want to spend time on.
Ick. That's the word of the day. Ick. It's how I feel. Ick. It's what I want to escape. Blech. I hate feeling ick.
Easter is tomorrow, though. It's a day of renewal and hope. I'll be praying for Jesus to overcome the ick so that I can be successful for the rest of the semester. Right now, I can use all the prayers I can get.

Reasons I heart Spring Break...

2007-03-31T14:54:00.000-07:00

Rodin sculptures at the Stanford Art Gallery

Meggie Poo

Random Pictures

Fun times with Katie

The beach, even when it's foggy :)

A new revelation...

2007-03-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies of all time is Office Space. There's this one scene I love where the main character, Peter, decides that he's done. One of my favorite quotations from the movie is when Peter says, "I did nothing today, and it was all I dreamed it could be."

I have this theory that in life we all experience revelations of the same sort as Peter's. Granted, the revelations we encounter are normally followed by some sort of action instead of inaction, but you get the idea. A couple of nights ago I had a revelation of the same sort as Peter's. I decided that after I get my Master's degree, I am DONE. Done with school, done with term papers, done with fighting so darned hard for something I'm not sure that I even want.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that I enjoy school much more than the average Joe. I love the feeling of accomplishment I get when I stumble across an "aha!" moment that leads me to viewing the world in a completely different way. I love teaching people things and learning things for myself. I love school so much that until a couple of nights ago, I was ready to give up another FOUR YEARS of my life to higher education. But I guess that's the amazing thing about a revelation: it causes you to change your point of view. In my case, I changed the way I think about school.

You see, I initially thought that I wanted a law degree. However, I've come to realize that if all I want to do is help people, I don't need a law degree to alert people that "Yes! Andrea is indeed qualified to help people because she has a J.D." I also went through a period of time thinking that I might want a doctoral degree, but then came to the very rude realization that if I do indeed want to HELP people, a PhD is probably not the way to go. I would effectively be shutting myself off from the "real world" (as we grad students like to call it) and sealing myself into an early tomb labeled "academia." Sounds dramatic, right? Well, I think it's supposed to be dramatic. Let's think about it this way: if every person that got a Master's degree went on to a PhD program, what would be the point? The system would become incestuous, only creating more professors. Nobody would really do anything. Change would never occur.

Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being a professor. I'm just saying that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go 'round, and I think that I'm one of those other people; you know, the kind of people who decide to say "screw the system" and decide to get their hands dirty actually doing things. Helping people. Taking all those lovely theories and putting them to WORK. And that's what I want to do. Make the theories work. See what can happen when I take the ideas I've learned during my long tenure in school and see what happens when I try to do practical things with them.

Perhaps it sounds a bit idealistic, but I figure that the world probably needs a few idealists here and there. Perhaps it will be a long, hard road, but maybe I can create some HOPE. Spread a little LOVE around. That's all I want in this world.

So I've devised a little plan with which I can start the process of doing something with my life instead of sitting back and expecting school to take me there. Here is the plan:
1) This summer, I'll take a little road trip across the southern half of the United States. I'll take pictures, meet people, write a memoir of sorts. At the same time, I'll be scoping out areas I'd possibly like to live in, community colleges I could see myself working for, and churches that I could see myself contributing to.
2) This next school year, I will be DEDICATED and finish my freaking degree! I will get out of my master's program by the end of next year, thesis and all. I will not be one of those people who hangs around in school forever, never really finishing, never letting go.
3) I'll also apply for the Teach for America program. They work with high schools across the country to help kids who are socioeconomically disadvantaged. Plus, if I work for them I can get some of my student loan debt forgiven.
http://www.teachforamerica.org/
4) I'm going to start checking out different relief organizations. I'm specifically leaning toward Food For the Hungry, a Christian organization that focuses on filling physical needs instead of evangelizing. People get to search their hearts and ask their own questions rather than having the answers forced on them.
http://www.fh.org/

I think this sounds like a pretty good start. I'm exicted to see what the rest of my life will look like with the lens of this new revelation firmly placed over the eyes of my worldview. So what do you think? Are there any areas of your life that you've begun to look at differently? How has it changed your approach to life?

The big move and the drama that it caused

2007-03-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

I wrote this little essay-like thing about a month after I moved to Sacramento. Thought it was kind of fun :)

Moving to a new city is never easy. Even for the seasoned relocation pro (which I am not), there seems to be a grueling period of readjustment. It’s as if the body has to align itself with the rhythm of the new place and the brain has to remind itself over and over, “this is home.” It is during this time that one's sense of self is most strenuously tested, and the opportunity to discover what you are really made of presents itself.
This is the experience I have encountered in my recent move from the humdrum, small town “SLO” life of San Luis Obispo to the more bustling metropolis of Sacramento. The sense of anonymity in a city this size is almost stifling to a rural girl like me. In this move I feel as though I have gone from a place where everybody knows my name to a town where every face is chronically forgettable. In an attempt to make my own mug more memorable, I have gone through a period of identifying myself with that which seemed the least “Sacramento” to me: my small-town roots. I referred to my rural hometown experiences at every opportunity (yes, I was a 4-H’er for 11 years), said “y’all” a bit more than normal and hummed Garth Brooks incessantly. Labeling myself as the “country girl” seemed to provide a level of security, a niche of peace and safety within a maelstrom of change. However, as I adjust to life in this new place I begin to realize that my small town roots constitute only a miniscule part of who I really am. And while comforting for a time, relying on this form of identity is like desperately clinging to my underwear for warmth in the midst of a whirling blizzard.
So what is the answer? Where does my identity lie? Who am I, really? There are several things I can point out: I am a grad student, teacher, debate coach, friend, sister, daughter, niece, great-granddaughter, movie-watcher, singer, writer, crochet-er, and a plethora of other things I don’t have space to mention. But does this really constitute who I am? Or is there something more? Tonight at dinner, my friend Theresa and I decided to look for a church to attend Sunday morning. The ensuing online search made me think of the friends I left back home and the life I had built for myself there, which included a network of people who shared the same faith as me and, more importantly, a space in which I could take time to worship God freely. I then realized that I have made no such space here. I have relied on the possibility of going home this weekend or the next in order to get my “Jesus fix.” I realized that I have neglected my spiritual self because I moved in order to cultivate my academic self. At that insight, I began to feel a little more grounded and a little less scared. And although I won’t say that going to church will be a cure-all, I do believe that making this space for God in my new life is the first and most important step toward discovering my true identity in all its complex parts (although I don’t think I’ll give up “y’all” just yet).

Debate + Oklahoma = craziness

2007-03-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

Two words: CEDA Nationals.
That's where I have been for the past six days. All the stress, strain and seriousness of an entire year's worth of debate work come together in one fantastically long weekend of grueling competition. There can only be one winner, and it definitely wasn't us.

Nationals this year was in Norman, Oklahoma, home of the University of Oklahoma (O.U. to those who know better). Oklahomans seem to be a bit fanatic about O.U. They label everything with the O.U. logo, from t-shirts to sun catchers, debate timers and water bottles. That's right. This weekend, I got my fill of H2OK Sooner water.

Additionally, I had the enjoyable opportunity of staying at the Sooner Legends Inn, complete with an O.U.-worthy crimson and cream color scheme and a biography of a famous Sooner football player in every room. It was so overwhelming and amazing that I seem to have completely forgotten the name of the football player in my room....I'm sure I'll remember it someday.

Favorite memories from my visit to Oklahoma:
- the visit to Van's Pig Stand for lip-smackin' good barbeque,
- relaxing in the student union in an oversized leather chair with free wifi and coffee,
- singing "Friends in Low Places" during karaoke at the Sooner Legends with a debate friend from San Francisco,
-judging USC versus US Military Academy (I voted for USC...the Military Academy was advocating plan-plan debate, which didn't really work), and
-getting to spend an entire day in Oklahoma City visiting my four favorite Oklahomans: Emery, Chris, Ezra, and Joel.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a lot of pictures. However, I've heard tell that some of my debate friends did. I can't wait to see photographic evidence of the Oklahoman madness. Our team didn't win (we didn't expect them to), but it was a great learning experience for everyone involved. To help you better understand debate, here is a link to a website that explains all the basics: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Policy_debate

All in all, the trip to Oklahoma was a blast. Sure, there was disappointment, sleep deprivation and frustration, but in the end I got to hang out with some fabulous people. Until next time, go exercise your brain!

Andrea